Mr. Funny

When old Mr. O'Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O'Leary called the undertaker aside for a private little talk. "Please be sure to fasten...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out...

Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what's the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it...

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan...

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is...

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million...

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an...

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the...

Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game. "Honey, you need to come...

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. "Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?" he asked. "No sir," the policeman responded,...

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure...

Adam, a very good looking successful man decided that it was his birthright to marry only a perfect and equally beautiful woman so that they would...

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his...

An Elderly couple... sitting down watching television when the commercials come on, the husband smiles at his wife and says, "I would love some ice cream right now." His wife...

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood...

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one...

A man walks into a watering hole with a large box and takes a seat at the bar. The bartender, curious, asks, "What's in the box?" The man...

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so...

A dumb blonde named Barbara walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders a desk...

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in...

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly...

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish...

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells...

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises. He pointed out a woman bathing...

A blonde redneck guy finds a lamp. He rubs it and a genie emerges. The genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The guy thinks for a...

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs...

A couple drove their car to the store, only to have it break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with...