Wednesday, July 15, 2020
Hilarious Dirty Parrots Joke Of The Day: Who Needs Prayers?
Joke Title: Who Needs Prayers? A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my...
Hilarious Non Veg Blonde Dirty Joke Of The Day: Exotic Pet Frog Rehearsal
A blonde, June, goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions. The girl, June, excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll TAKE...
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron". The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and...
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
Short Dirty Joke: Little Johnny With His Cat At School
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the class, and she discovered little johnny with a cat up his jumper. She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?" Little Johnny started crying. "I woke up this morning to hear the postman tell Mummy ... * * * * * * * * * 'I'm gonna eat your pu$$y today!"
Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey. Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?" Monkey:...
Hilarious Cop Joke: DEA Officer Stops At A Ranch in Texas
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher,... He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illgally grown drgs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into...
Best Joke: A Woman Was Out Golfing Found Magical Frog
A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that...
Hilarious Comedy Joke: The Most Unusual Funeral Procession
A man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso,... When he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200...
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they...
Hilarious Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: American Tourist & Mexican Delicacy
An american was touring Mexico. After his day's sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What was that you just served the gentleman at the next table?" The waiter replied, "Ah, senor, you...
Best Hilarious Catholic Joke Of The Day: Why Didn't Ya Tell Me?
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,.. "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not. We can not have services for an animal in the church. But there are...
Hilarious Animals Non Veg Long Dirty Joke: How's Your Day Been Ducks?
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They...
Hilarious (GPS) Cat Joke: Some Cats Are So Much Smarter Than Us
There was a man who couldn't stand his wife's cat. So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house. He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park. But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing...
Hilarious Joke: An Atheist, The Lord & Wild Bear In The Jungle
A photographer, who was also a confirmed atheist,.. Decided to go into the woods to capture photos of the fall foliage. It was a beautiful day: fall colors, birds chirping, a babbling brook,... And a gentle breeze rustling the leaves. While snapping shots, the photographer heard a noise behind him,... And whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes. He dropped his...
Good Clean Joke: Husband Tries To Get Rid Of His Wife's Cat
Brian and his wife lived in a nice little house in Georgia. Their kids had moved out a long time ago, but the couple still had a cat, a tabby by the name of Smokey. Brian had never gotten along with the cat, and he was hoping to get rid of it, once and for all. One day, unbeknownst to his wife,...
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Farmer Brings His Rooster To The Movie
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes." "I'm sorry, sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his...
Hilarious Joke: Engineer Comes Across A Frog Who Wants A Kiss
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer...
Hilarious Jungle Joke Of The Day: Poor Bear v/s Bad Rabbit
Once, there was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree. The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!" So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females." And all the bears in the forest turned...
Hilarious Dumb Joke: Stupid Patient Stung By A Bee Joke
Patient: Please doctor help me. I have been stung by a bee. Doctor: Don't worry. I'll put some cream on it. Patient: You'll never find the bee. It must be miles away by now. Doctor: No No please understand. I'll put some cream on the place u were stung. Patient: Oh! it happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree. Doctor:...
Hilarious Old Geezer Joke: An Old Man & The Neighbor's Kid
An ugly old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool,...
Hilarious Long Naughty Story Joke: Cinderella is Now 95 Years Old
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived...
Hilarious Best Christian Joke Of The Day: The Atheist and the Bear
An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and...
Hilarious Story Joke Of The Day: Pastor, Bishop & The Donkey
Once This Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The...
Hilarious Bad Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Defective Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says...
Good Comedy Joke: Magician And Jealous Parrot On Cruise Ship
There was this magician who had a job on a cruise liner, entertaining the passengers with a nightly show. He was very successful in his job and there was always a full house at all his performances. Life was sweet. The money was rolling in, he had one of the best cabins, ate the best food, mixed with the best people. All was...