A woman (mom) was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night,
when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.
He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes,
and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not...
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.
George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady...
A crusty old age biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $1000
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment,
he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.
"Yes?"...
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said:
"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides,...
she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said:
"I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any...
Joke Title: How Old Am I?
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
"I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference."
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch.
The man takes a sip, scowls and says,
"Bartender, this crap is...
There was a loser who couldn't get a date.
He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.
After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because...
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender,
"I'm so pissed off!"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home.
We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband...
A biker pulls up outside a roadside bar in Louisiana after a long day in the saddle.
Stiffly he walks in, gets a beer and sits down.
By his third, he realises some of the locals are looking at him and whispering.
The biker walks out and returns a few minutes later with an alligator.
He drops it on the floor, drops his...
Two Irishman, Mick and Paddy were walking home from the pub after drinking late night.
Mick says to Paddy,
"I can't be bothered to walk all that way."
"I know," says Paddy,
"but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home."
"We could steal a bus from the depot," Mick suggests.
They arrive at the bus depot and Mick tells...
One late night after bar time a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies.
"It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guys picks up a hammer, gives the...
A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,
"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to...
When Fred found out he was going to inherit a fortune,...
when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said
as...
This guy walks into a quiet bar.
He is carrying three ducks.
One in each hand and one under his left arm.
He places them on the bar.
He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.
The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
They...
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the restroom.
Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy.
He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics and Business Administration and...
A guy walks into a bar and sits down.
He starts dialing numbers...
Like a telephone... On his hand and talking into his hand.
The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.
The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I...
A chicken farmer went to a local bar,...
sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said,
"How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer said.
"This is a special day for me; I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,"
Said the...
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says,
"Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave.
"He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated,...
A waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings...
Three drunken guys entered a taxi after a heavy night of drinking.
Immediately realizing that the men were inebriated,...
Cab driver quickly thought up a plan to get rid of them.
He started the engine, turned it off again and said:
"We have reached your destination".
"Alright pal, here you go,"
Said the first guy as he gave him the money.
The second guy thanked him...
A guy is sitting in a bar;...
Absolutely drooling at a pretty young woman in her short, pink mini-dress.
Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink.
"How lucky am I," he thinks,...
As she gets up to come sit next to him.
They strike up a wonderful conversation.
Finally, the girl turns to him and says,...
"Look, you seem like a really nice guy,...
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table,...
He notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her,...
knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle...
A beautiful young lady went to a dance and she had a low-cut strapless gown on.
Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain.
All night she noticed a young man staring at her.
In her embarrassment she held up the airplane and said,..
"Oh you like my airplane huh?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The young man smiled mischievously.
"No ma'am... I was just...
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other.
When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and...
A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.
In self-defense the man says,
"Who told you that drinking is bad?"
Nun : Mother Superior told me.
Man : So, have you ever tried it?
Nun : No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor.
Man : Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it.
I'll tell you...
A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,..
so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her...
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar,
Stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink,...
And instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.
As they drove through the...
A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
"Barman", he says,
"A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there."
As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile.
Surprisingly the Jew nods...
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They go back to his place,
and as he shows her around his apartment,
she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor.
Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf...
