Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Hilarious Dirty Parrots Joke Of The Day: Who Needs Prayers?
Joke Title: Who Needs Prayers? A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my...
Hilarious Adult Irish Humor Joke: Married Irishman's Confession On Affair
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed, naked and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your...
Hilarious Clean Humor Joke Of The Day: A Priest And A Nun
A priest and a nun are on their way back from the seminary when their car breaks down. The garage doesn't open until morning so they have to spend the night in a hotel. It only has one room available. The priest says: "Sister, I don't think the Lord would object if we spend the night sharing this one room. I'll sleep on the...
Hilarious Innocent Birthday Gift Joke: Confessions Of Little Johnny
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he...
Hilarious Best Dirty Mind Joke Of The Day: Two Nuns & A Man
There were Two Nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical....
Hilarious Naughty Old Man Joke Of The Day: Elderly Man's Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times." Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" Man: "What sins? " Priest: "What kind...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher...
Hilarious Best Religious Joke Of The Day: Priest VS Taxi Driver
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. "Come with me", said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool. "Wow, thank...
Naughty Joke Of The Day: Young Woman's Confession On Passionate Love
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Charlie Vs Priest At Church
Joke Title: Trading Place Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again...
Hilarious Story Joke Of The Day: Pastor, Bishop & The Donkey
Once This Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The...
Clean Comedy Joke Of The Day: Bad Guy v/s St. Peter In Heaven
Joke Title: Alert Thinking A man's turn came after waiting in line watching St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Bad guys were going to hell and good guys were heading towards heaven. "Your resume is blunt, but tell me one thing can you think of ever doing something of reasonable merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man responded with...
Hilariously Good Joke: Young Woman V/S Honest Priest
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes...
Hilarious Joke: An Atheist, The Lord & Wild Bear In The Jungle
A photographer, who was also a confirmed atheist,.. Decided to go into the woods to capture photos of the fall foliage. It was a beautiful day: fall colors, birds chirping, a babbling brook,... And a gentle breeze rustling the leaves. While snapping shots, the photographer heard a noise behind him,... And whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes. He dropped his...
Best Women Joke: Wife Passes A Test At The Pearly Gates
A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said,... "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked. "Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your...
Hilarious Joke: A Man Wonders If Having Relations With Wife
A man wonders if having relations on the Sabbath is a sin,... Because he is not sure if doing so is work or play, So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sleeping together is work and is therefore not...
Best Comedy Joke: A Couple Want To Have Children But The Wife
A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant,... So they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time,... Since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow. "As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a candle for you," He promises. Time passes and the...
Hilarious Joke: A Church Matron Cooking Some Beans
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny,... Came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over,... Little Johnny could think of no reason...
Hilarious Joke: I Wonder Why Elderly Lady Didn't Raise Her Hand
The preacher's Sunday sermon was,... "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80% held up their hands. He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady. "Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Johnson that is very...
Funny Joke: A Rabbi & A Priest Decide To Buy A Car Together
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their...
Hilariously Best Terrible Joke Of The Day: The Obliging Mortician
Dorothy was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away. She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying. One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it...
Hilarious Mom v/s Son Clean Short Joke: Moral Lesson For Kids
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait'". Kevin turned to his younger brother & said, * * * * * * * * * * "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Hilarious Catholic Humor Of The Day: Nervous New Priest & Vodka
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took...
Hilarious Clean Bar Joke Of The Day: Good Nun vs Vodka
A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking. In self-defense the man says, "Who told you that drinking is bad?" Nun : Mother Superior told me. Man : So, have you ever tried it? Nun : No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor. Man : Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you...
Hilarious Clean Religious Joke Of The Day: Daddy's Scribbles
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, * * * * * * * * "I...
Hilarious Smart Joke Of The Day: Two Prostitutes VS Policeman
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop...
Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Dirty Talking Prostitute Parrots
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun'?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your...