Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Hilarious Short Joke For Kids: Little Boy, Pastor & Way To Heaven
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. While he was waiting,.. a man came to him and asked, "Son, can you tell me what is the way to the Post Office here?" The little boy replied,.. "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right." The man thanked the boy...
Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Dirty Talking Prostitute Parrots
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun'?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your...
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their...
Hilarious Joke: The World's Most Expensive Memorial Stone
A man named Bill died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Ah well, Bill would be pleased," she said. "You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "So go on,...
Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I...
Joke Of The Day: Son & Mothers Talking Parrot Reading Bible Gift
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher...
There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned and went to heaven. The...
Hilarious Innocent Birthday Gift Joke: Confessions Of Little Johnny
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he...
Hilarious Innocent Jokes For Kids: Pastor Ask Boys Where is God?
There were two young brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a pastor nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to her husband that she would ask the pastor...
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and so on. The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in...
Hilarious Smart Joke Of The Day: Two Prostitutes VS Policeman
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop...
Hilarious Best Dirty Mind Joke Of The Day: Two Nuns & A Man
There were Two Nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical....
Funny Religious Joke: Hunter Prays To Be Rescued From The Bear
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing...
Hilarious Catholic Humor Of The Day: Nervous New Priest & Vodka
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took...
Clean Comedy Joke Of The Day: Bad Guy v/s St. Peter In Heaven
Joke Title: Alert Thinking A man's turn came after waiting in line watching St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Bad guys were going to hell and good guys were heading towards heaven. "Your resume is blunt, but tell me one thing can you think of ever doing something of reasonable merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man responded with...
Hilarious Cheating Joke: Three Men And Heavenly Transportation
Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will...
Hilarious Family Joke: Woman Tried To Impress Guests At Dinner
A family was having some neighbors over for a dinner party. Everything was going swimmingly. Annabelle and her family were charming and fun, the guests were entertained, the appetizers were delicious. Even the house was spotless. Finally, the time came for everyone to gather at the dinner table for the promised meal. At the table, Annabelle turned to Lizzie, her six-year-old daughter, and in...
While walking down the street one day, a presidential candidate is tragically hit by a car and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high-ranking official around these parts, you see, so we're...
Hilarious Whiskey Joke: Dying Old Nun And Her Wisdom Words
A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas... She opened it and...
Hilarious Naughty Old Man Joke Of The Day: Elderly Man's Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times." Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" Man: "What sins? " Priest: "What kind...
Hilarious Clean Religious Joke: Framing The Question Correctly
Two friends Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks,.. "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says,.. "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to...
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of...
An Irishman walks into a bar in London, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it," the bartender tells him, "and it would...
Good Hilarious Catholic Joke: Heart Attack & Health Insurance Bill
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked, 'Do you have health insurance?' He replied in a raspy voice, 'No' The...
Hilarious Best Religious Joke Of The Day: Priest VS Taxi Driver
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. "Come with me", said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool. "Wow, thank...
Hilarious Adult Irish Humor Joke: Married Irishman's Confession On Affair
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed, naked and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your...