Sunday, January 26, 2020
Hilarious Clean Safe For Work Office Joke: New Company Trainee
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee... On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No" replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!" The...
Hilarious Animals Non Veg Long Dirty Joke: How's Your Day Been Ducks?
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They...
Hilarious Long Naughty Story Joke: Cinderella is Now 95 Years Old
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived...
Joke Of The Day: Elderly Couple Was Just Settled Down For Bed
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed,... When the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied,... He would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man...
Hilarious Naughty Old Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Smart Back
Joke Title: Back At You One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!" His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unnoticed. The next morning the husband took a pair of...
Hilarious Joke: A Young Couple Just Married In Their Honeymoon Suite On Wedding Night
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband - who was a big burly man - tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said. "That's...
Short & Hilarious: Best Doctor Jokes Collection To Laugh Today
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your...
Short Dirty Doctor Joke Of The Day: Won't You Kiss Me, Doctor?
"Won't you kiss me, doctor," asks a beautiful woman. "No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor. "Please just one kiss," begs the woman. "It's completely out of the question," he goes on. * * * * * * * * * * * * "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
Hilarious Politician Joke: Pearly Gate & Donald Trump's Lie Clock
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock,.. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is...
Hilarious Old Woman Clean Joke Of The Day: The Fourth Marriage
An 80 year old lady was being interviewed by the local news station because she had just gotten married - for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80,.. and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her...
Hilarious Old Geezer Joke: An Old Man & The Neighbor's Kid
An ugly old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool,...
Hilarious Pakistani Joke Of The Day: Best Business Strategy
Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars at several motorway services in England. Ahmed drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Hamid only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day. Hamid asks Ahmed how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day. Ahmed says, "Look at your sign." It...
Hilarious Husband & Wife Joke: Smart Silent Treatment Winner
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at home,.. and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, He finally wrote on a piece of paper...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Little Girl v/s Pregnancy
Joke Title: Come let us A ten year old girl rushes to her grandmother and asks her, "Can I be pregnant?" Grandmother, "Are you fooling. You can not be pregnant. Go and play out side." The girl then goes to grandfather and asks him the same question and the reply also is the same. The girl goes to her father with the same question...
Hilarious Joke: A Woman Speaking At Church's Testimony Meeting
A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation: "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his Harley, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a...
Hilarious Joke: Air Force Guy Driving From McChord To Ft Lewis
There's an Air Force guy driving from McChord to Ft Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft Lewis to McChord. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and...
Hilarious Dark Joke Of The Day: Best Sniffer Dog in The Plane
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane,... When another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: The 11th Husband And Virgin Wife
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be possible, if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to...
Dad, Little Boy & Pilot On Plane: Clean Hilarious Joke Of The Day
Joke Title: A to Z...!! An airplane is flying over the United States at night. The pilot says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown out." A little later, the pilot says: "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin". The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out. Pilot:...
Wow! Technology: Hilariously Comedy Bad Joke Of The Day
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers... Like a telephone... On his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here. The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I...
Hilarious Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Men Will Be Men
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to...
Joke Of The Day: Two Marines Played A Mean Prank On An Army Soldier
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the...
Clever Joke: Juan Comes Up To The Mexican Border On Bicycle
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,.. "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says,.. "We'll just see about that – get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart,.. He empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight...
Hilarious Movie Theater Joke: Disheveled Old Man & The Usher
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,.. "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the...
Hilarious Best Money Joke Of The Day: Dad, Kid & Choked Coin
Joke Title: Cough It Up A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding One money coin. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a Tea...
Hilarious Animal Joke Of The Day: Vampire Bat & Fresh Blood
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood,.. and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get some sleep. However, they persisted until he finally...
Best Dirty Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day was quickly approaching and Little Johnny was anxious to receive and give Valentine cards during his classroom party,.. Mainly because there were two girls he was particularly very fond of. The rest of his class received the usual "store bought" cheap Valentines that read cutesy "Be Mines",.. But he took special care and time in hand-making two special cards for...