Wednesday, November 13, 2019
Male Vs Female English Humor Joke: Which Gender is Intelligent?
A Proof of which Gender is Intelligent An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly... All of the males in the class wrote : "A woman, without her man, is nothing." * * * * * * * All the females in the class wrote : "A woman: without her, man is nothing." Punctuation is powerful!!
Hilarious Politician Joke: Pearly Gate & Donald Trump's Lie Clock
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock,.. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is...
Hilarious Smart Wife Joke Of The Day: Haunted From The Grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and...
Joke Of The Day: While Teaching A Class Of Good Manners
A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman,...
Hilarious Best Business Joke Of The Day: How To Impress A Client
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman,...
Best Hilarious Woman Joke Of The Day: Women Are Impossible To Please
Two girlfriends are chatting. "Have you heard about the new husband shopping centre in town?" one asks. "It's a four-floor building where women can go to choose a husband from hundreds of eligible men. The only rule is, once you go up a floor, you can't go down, except to leave the place never to return. Let's try it out." So, the pair head...
Hilarious Marriage Joke Of The Day: Best Husband In The World
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H - Husband, W - Wife) H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Hilariously Best Old Age Joke: 81 Years Old Man v/s Talking Frog
A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The...
Good Clean Joke For Kids: 2 Twins Changing Their Name
There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends...
Hilarious Whiskey Joke: Dying Old Nun And Her Wisdom Words
A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas... She opened it and...
Hilariously Naughty Little Johnny Bad Joke: The Polite Way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?' Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Little Johnny's Parents Getting Divorced
Little Johnny was playing in his room,... when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce. "Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny. "Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love." Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?" "Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband...
Clean Marriage Joke Of The Day: Wife, Beggar & Perfect Husband
Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: The Best Husband In The World
A cellphone starts ringing in the locker room of a gym. A man, fresh out of the shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, answers. The other people in the locker room listen out of curiosity. "Hello?" "A women's voice answers, "Hi babe, it's me. Are you at the gym?" "Yep." "So I'm just doing a little shopping and found this amazing...
Hilarious Fart Joke: A Woman Goes To Her Boyfriend's Parents House For Dinner
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no...
Hilariously Stupid Joke: Three Drunk Men Getting In A Taxi
Three drunken guys entered a taxi after a heavy night of drinking. Immediately realizing that the men were inebriated,... Cab driver quickly thought up a plan to get rid of them. He started the engine, turned it off again and said: "We have reached your destination". "Alright pal, here you go," Said the first guy as he gave him the money. The second guy thanked him...
Hilarious Clean Animal Joke Of The Day: Very Intelligent Good Dog
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged...
Hilarious Short Funny Dirty Joke: Italian Language Problem
A bus stops and two old Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again....
Hilarious Husband Wife's Best Comedy Joke: Surprise Birthday Gift
The wife was very unhappy with her old car and complained a lot to her husband: Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband... "Buy me a surprise for my birthday!" she said. "Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!" Happy and excited she was counting down the days...
Hilarious Elderly Dirty Joke: 80-Year-Old Millionaire v/s Doctor's Advice
An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. He goes to his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date. The doctor looks him over and says, "Bill, you seem completely healthy but I must tell you one thing." "What's that?", asks the millionaire. "At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: Teacher v/s Little Johnny In Maths Class
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun,... How many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "Cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny...
Naughty Smart Woman Joke: How To Inherit A Fortune
When Fred found out he was going to inherit a fortune,... when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as...
Hilarious Best Dirty Joke: Blind Man Walks Into A Restaurant
Joke Title: Smell Recognition A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little...
Hilarious Student Humor Joke Of The Day: Time to Study
Hi Friends, It Is No Fault Of Student Because A Year Has Only 365 Days. Days In A Year = 365 Sundays = 52 Days Sundays Are Meant For Rest Days Left = 313 Days Summer Vacations = 60 Days Weather Is Very Hot, and its a Vacation Days Left = 253 Days 8 Hours Of Daily Sleep = 122 Days Sleep Is Necessary Days Left = 131 1 Hour Daily...
Best Hilarious Clean Farmer Joke Of The Day: I Am Just Fine
Joke Title: I Am Just Fine Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had...
Hilarious Clean Bar Joke Of The Day: Good Nun vs Vodka
A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking. In self-defense the man says, "Who told you that drinking is bad?" Nun : Mother Superior told me. Man : So, have you ever tried it? Nun : No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor. Man : Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you...
Hilarious American Political Humor Joke: Federal Government's $600 Rebate
Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following: "The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will...