Saturday, July 4, 2020
Hilarious Adult Irish Humor Joke: Married Irishman's Confession On Affair
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed, naked and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your...
Hilarious Politician VS Detective Humor Joke: Checking Antecedents
An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months,... with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony. But being cautious,... he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her antecedents and finding out if she had any previous affairs with men. After a few days,... the politician at last received his detective's report,...
Hilarious Dirty Party Joke Of The Day: Bad Night Game Who Am I?
One Monday morning a guy was in the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Billy the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Billy, looks like you guys had a hell of a party...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: Two People Find Themselves Celebrating
A chicken farmer went to a local bar,... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," the farmer said. "This is a special day for me; I am celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," Said the...
Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Smart Monkey In The Plane
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey. Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?" Monkey: "Tying their...
Dumb Hilarious Joke: Blonde Pilot Emergency Landing Dialog
A young blonde pilot is beginning flying lessons and is in a two-seater airplane with just the instructor pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. The frantic young blonde pilot calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. I'm just...
Hilarious Doctor & Mental Patients Clean Joke: Congratulations
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the...
Hilarious Dirty Joke Of The Day: A Farmer & A Naughty Widow
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a...
Best Break Up Letter: Hilariously Smart Humor Joke Of The Day
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Handsome Man & Hostel Girl's Hidden Desire
A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation went to him and said,.. "You look cute.. I like you."... The man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said,.. "My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Please go home and study hard so that...
Dumb Blonde Joke: Three Workers Are Sick And Tired Of What's In Their Lunchboxes Every Day
Three construction workers on the seventy-fifth floor of an unfinished building take a break for lunch. The dark-haired man opens his lunchbox to find a pasta meal, and says, "Man, if I get pasta one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The redhead opens his lunchbox to find salad and says, "Man, if I...
Hilarious Clean Animals Joke Of The Day: Lion King Of The Jungle
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in...
Dirty Joke Of The Day: Two Women Were Playing Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began...
Hilarious Madam Vs Maid Bad Naughty Joke: Good Pay Raise
The Maid asked for a pay raise. Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?" Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "The Master said so." Madam: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I...
Hilarious Bad Joke: Innocent Arab Grandpa In Italian Hospital
An Arab family residing in Europe was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian nursing home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asked the grandson. "It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and...
Hilarious Creepy Marriage Joke Of The Day: Supportive Wife
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, Yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: Blonde Patient's Normal Life After An Operation
A surgeon went to check on his very blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could expect a complete recovery. She asked him, "How long will it be before I can resume a normal $ex life again, Doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter, Doctor? I will...
Best Hilarious Non Veg Joke: Pregnant Wife & Husband's Labor Pain
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if they'd like to try it. The machine would take some of the woman's pain away and give it to the father there by easing the mothers burden. The couple thought it was a good idea and agreed...
Hilarious Pharmacist Joke Of The Day: The Religious Boyfriend
A young man strides into a chemist and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist replies: "They come in packs of three, nine, or 12. Which would you like?" "Well," the young man begins confidently, "I've been seeing this girl and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're...
Hilarious Clean Simple Joke Of The Day: Blonde vs Car Sale
Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on the odometer. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "I...
Hilarious Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because...
Clever Joke: Juan Comes Up To The Mexican Border On Bicycle
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,.. "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says,.. "We'll just see about that – get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart,.. He empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight...
Best American Vs Indian Marriage Joke: Hilarious Family Problem
Joke Title: Give Me A Break Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village,.. Whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Perception of Husband & Wife
Two women are chatting in office. Woman 1: I had $ex last night, did you? Woman 2: Yes. Woman 1: Was it good? Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having $ex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was...
Hilarious Elderly Joke Of The Day: Husband Scolds His Wife For Forgetting
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she din't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to...
Hilarious Best Dirty Mind Joke Of The Day: Two Nuns & A Man
There were Two Nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical....
Hilarious New Joke Of The Day: Who is Doctor's Best Patient?
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside...