This is Awesome, One smart father goes to his son.
Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But...
A little girl asked her father:
"How did the human race appear?"
The father answered:
"God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made."
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered:
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her father and said:
"Dad, how is...
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working and asks him,...
"Daddy what's sex?"
Her father sits her down and tells her all about the birds and the bees.
He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs.
He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erection, wet-dreams...
and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on...
Little Johnny was playing in his room,...
when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce.
"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny.
"Well, son" he explained,
"Your mother and I are no longer in love."
Now more confused, Little Johnny asked,
"What does being in love mean?"
"Let me give you an example, son.
Love is when a husband...
A richie rich Sheikh's son goes to Germany for study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:
"Dear Father,
Berlin is wonderful,
people are nice and I really like it here,
but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes,
when I see all my teachers travel by train.
Your loving Son"
*
*
*
Sometime later he gets a letter from...
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.
A nurse goes up to the first guy and says,
"Congratulations! You're the father of twins."
"That's odd," answers the man.
"I work for the Minnesota Twins."
A nurse says to the second guy,
"Congratulations! You're the father of of triplets."
"That's weird," answers the second man.
"I work for the 3M company."
A...
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no...
There once was a farmer whose wife had died and left him with three beautiful teenage daughters.
Every weekend, when they went out on dates,
the farmer would stand at the door with his shotgun,
making it clear to their dates he wanted no trouble from them.
Another Saturday night came around.
At about 7pm., there was a knock on the door.
He answered and...
There once was a man who owned a sausage factory,
and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.
Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.
They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought,
"this should impress him!"
He showed his son a machine and said:
"Son, this is the heart of the...
Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water...
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied,
"Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good...
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?"...
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do"
The next day...
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father.
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB
when my professors, friends and many...
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,
"I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer." the father says.
"We're...
Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
"But Dad, it wasn't my fault.
We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress...
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment...
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in...
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street
when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
"I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.
"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.
"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.
"I said no way," replied...
