Monday, December 9, 2019
Hilarious Joke: So You Think You've Had A BAD DAY?
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was...
Best Naughty Joke Of The Day: Old Men Are Fast Thinkers Beware
One old farmer had a large pond in the back,.. fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a...
Dirty Hilarious Joke: The Pearly Gates Entrance Exam
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came...
Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game. "Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broken, and if you don't fix it the food will go bad," Kate said. Paul yelled back, "Who do I look like, the PG&E man?...
Hilarious Wife Joke: Smart Lesson To A Cheating Husband
When the math professor's wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband: "My dearest wife, We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer...
Hilarious Bad Joke: Little Johnny v/s Teacher's Dirty Thinking
A teacher asks her class:, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies:, "The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think." Then Little Johnny says:, "I have a question for YOU Madam. There are...
Hilarious Smart Joke Of The Day: Two Prostitutes VS Policeman
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop...
Hilarious Bad Comedy Joke Of The Day: Women & Hardware Store
Bob was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge,.. So he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Carl was finished, Mary asked: "How much for the teapot?" Carl replied:...
Hilarious Dirty Husband Wife Joke: New Lie Detector Robot
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie...
Hilarious Joke: Wife Decides To Give Birthday Surprise To Husband
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated,... A waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings...
Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Friends Advice On Vacation Every Year
Two Rednecks, Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then two years...
Wow! Technology: Hilariously Comedy Bad Joke Of The Day
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers... Like a telephone... On his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here. The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I...
Hilarious Joke: A Woman Joins A Country Club And Played Golf
A woman joins a country club and one day hears the guys talking about their golf round. She says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 am." He figures the early...
Hilarious Old Age Humor: Grandma Buys A Bumper Sticker, Never Expecting What It Would Get Her Into
Dear Granddaughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I...
Hilarious Husband Wife Corny Joke: Wife Going To Las Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied: "I'm going to Las Vegas." He asked her why she was going. She told him: "I just found out that as a woman I can make £400 a night doing what I...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Wife Teasing Husband For Cricket Match
One good morning Wife was reading a newspaper, while Husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, Wife burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a man is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the cricket stadium." "Hmmm," Husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Wife said, "Would you swap me...
Hilarious Naughty Old Man Joke Of The Day: Elderly Man's Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times." Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" Man: "What sins? " Priest: "What kind...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Dad, Baby & Cup Of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little "tea set" as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought...
Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Lady v/s Gentleman On Bus
Joke Title: Acquainted This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus. A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors. She tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little. She tried to step up onto the...
Hilarious Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: American Tourist & Mexican Delicacy
An american was touring Mexico. After his day's sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What was that you just served the gentleman at the next table?" The waiter replied, "Ah, senor, you...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: Young Man Asked Doctor For Virginity Test
A young man was planning to get married,.. and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, "Well, you need three things,.. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel.." The man was astonished and asked, "So what do I do with these?" The doctor replied: "Before the wedding night,.. you paint...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each present something that symbolizes Christmas if you wish to get into heaven." The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle," he said. "You may pass through...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: The 11th Husband And Virgin Wife
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be possible, if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to...
Hilarious Dirty Biker Joke Of The Day: Biker In A Roadside Bar
A biker pulls up outside a roadside bar in Louisiana after a long day in the saddle. Stiffly he walks in, gets a beer and sits down. By his third, he realises some of the locals are looking at him and whispering. The biker walks out and returns a few minutes later with an alligator. He drops it on the floor, drops his...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Little Johnny's Parents Getting Divorced
Little Johnny was playing in his room,... when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce. "Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny. "Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love." Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?" "Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband...
Hilarious Fart Joke: A Woman Goes To Her Boyfriend's Parents House For Dinner
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no...