Sunday, March 17, 2019
Hilarious Marriage Joke Of The Day: Best Husband In The World
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H - Husband, W - Wife) H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Comedy Husband Wife Short Joke: Good Compliment
A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out of shape. Pay me a compliment." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Bad Comedy Joke Of The Day: Dad Got The Best Lie Detector
One day Jack's dad bought a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face. Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?". Jack answered, "Dad we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and...
Good Clean Joke Of The Day: Depressed Man v/s Doctor's Therapy
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem....
Hilarious Good Simple Marriage Joke Of The Day: Jealous Husband
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the...
Hilarious Best Marriage Humor Of The Day: Mid Life Crises Solved
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde." "Now we have a nice house, nice car,...
Hilarious Marriage Humor Of The Day: Smart Divorced Barbie
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes...
Best Dirty Joke Of The Day: Bad Woman & Her Daytime Affair
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window, It's...
Comedy Joke Of The Day: Best Divorce Letters With Twisty End
Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came...
Short Best Relationship Jokes: Hilariously Good Marriage Humor
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her...
Hilarious Smart Wife Joke Of The Day: Haunted From The Grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and...
Clean & Hilarious Simple Marriage Joke: Cyclone & Husband Wife
A cyclone hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not...
Best Husband Wife Humor Of The Day: Before & After Marriage
Marriage... in different directions... Before the marriage: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: NO! Why you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Yes! She: Will you hit me? He: No way! I'm not such kind...
Hilarious Bad Comedy Joke Of The Day: Women & Hardware Store
Bob was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge,.. so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Carl was finished, Mary asked: "How much for the teapot?" Carl replied:...
Hilarious Corny Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Weight Watchers
Mrs. Speidell, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure." she lamented to the woman next to her. "Well," the lady replied, "What's wrong with that?" * * * * * * * * "He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."
Best Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Honest Girl & Virgin Husband
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there,... you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is 'faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'." With this advice from her...
Simple Husband Wife Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time
A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,.. so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her...
Hilarious Good Clean Marriage Humor Joke: Most Damaging Food?
Joke Title: What is the most damaging food? A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here,... Years ago, Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous,... And none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the...
Hilarious Shitty Bad Joke Of The Day: Bar Time With Best Friends
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house. George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!" So after begging his old lady...
Clean Good Husband Wife Joke: 22 Years Of Fantastic Marriage
John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! * * * * * * * * She only does it...
Hilarious Husband Wife Short Dirty Joke: Bad Horse Riding
A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed "Horseback Riding" with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,... and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said:, * * * * * * * * * "Yes, I...
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Joke: Why Men Wear Ear Rings?
I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer. A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you...
Clean & Simple Husband Wife Humor Joke: Mailman's Serene Knocking
A woman came storming at the Postal counter. She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, "This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?" The Post master was polite and...
Clean Simple Husband Wife Joke On Marriage: Influence Of Anesthesia
In a recovery room a man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery. His wife was sitting by his side holding his hand. His eyelids just opened for a few seconds. He looked at his wife as if he was returning from out of body experience, hallowed by bright white light. With a broken smile and in a groggy voice he mumbled...
Hilarious Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny Called Daddy
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son Little Johnny to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Little Johnny had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that...
Hilarious Short Marriage Humor Joke Of The Day: Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain ?" said the counselor, * * * * * * * * "You re still...
Hilarious Neighbor Joke Of The Day: American NRI Patelbhai
It was 3.00 AM in the morning and wife Rachel was not able to sleep as her husband was pacing the bedroom floor with self-talking, gesturing with anxiety of some short. So Rachel asked the husband Jackie:, "What was so bothering him that he would keep her from sex and also let her not sleep." "You know our next door kindly neighbor,...