Wednesday, March 27, 2019
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you...
Hilarious Naughty Old Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Smart Back
Joke Title: Back At You One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!" His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unnoticed. The next morning the husband took a pair of...
Hilarious Joke: Businessman Impregnanted His Italian Mistress
A businessman has been having an affair with a passionate Italian woman for the past two years. One day, she tells him that she's pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he says he will pay her a sum of money if she returns to Italy and raises the child in secret. He promises to provide for the child...
Hilarious Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny Called Daddy
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son Little Johnny to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Little Johnny had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that...
Hilarious Saucy Joke: Young Couple On Their Wedding Night
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you...
Hilarious Older Couple Joke: Romantic Night After 50 Years
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to...
Comedy Husband Wife Short Joke: Good Compliment
A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out of shape. Pay me a compliment." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded, and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated...
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Short Joke: Husband & Wife At Beauty Parlor
I accompanied my wife to a parlor when she went to get a haircut. While reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle quite nice,... and I just asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said. (Taken Back) "But my wife is...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Perception of Husband & Wife
Two women are chatting in office. Woman 1: I had $ex last night, did you? Woman 2: Yes. Woman 1: Was it good? Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having $ex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was...
Simple Husband Wife Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time
A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,.. so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her...
A man is talking to the family doctor "Doc, I think my wife is going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell...
Funny Revenge Story Joke - Man Left His Wife For His Secretary
After 37 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in his and his wife's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were better than his wife's, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just three days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,...
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When...
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?"... The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do" The next day...
Hilarious Good Simple Marriage Joke Of The Day: Jealous Husband
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the...
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail...
Funny Dumb Husband Joke: This Man Doesn't Know What to Make of His Wife's Request
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. "I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice...
Hilarious Cheating Joke: Three Men And Heavenly Transportation
Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will...
Joke Of The Day: Doctor's Advice Gets Old Woman in Big Trouble
An elderly lady went to the doctor and asked for his help in reviving her husband's passion. "Why don't you give him Vi*gra?" the doctor asked. "Oh, no," the woman replied. "He doesn't even take aspirin for a headache!" "That's not a problem," the doctor told her. "Just crush up the pill and slip it into his coffee. He'll never even know." Several days later,...
Hilarious Naughty Women Joke Of The Day: Annual Outing
Jenny was explaining to her husband how much fun they'd had at the beach during her bridge club annual outing. "But," she told him, "it didn't end all that great for me." "Why, what happened?" he asked. "I went out to take a swim in the rough water but I didn't go out far because the waves were very bad. Then I suddenly...
Hilarious Shitty Bad Joke Of The Day: Bar Time With Best Friends
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house. George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!" So after begging his old lady...
Hilarious Joke: Taxi Driver Couldn't Stop Talking About A Stranger
A young man stood at the side of the road and hailed a taxi. When he got in, the driver said, "Well, that was perfect timing. You're a lot like Frank." The passenger asked: "Who is Frank?" The taxi driver explained: "Frank Feldman. He also had perfect timing and was always there at just the right moment. Just like you hailing a taxi...
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Joke: Why Men Wear Ear Rings?
I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer. A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you...
Hilarious Smart Wife Joke Of The Day: Haunted From The Grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and...
Dirty Hilarious Joke: The Pearly Gates Entrance Exam
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came...
An Elderly couple... sitting down watching television when the commercials come on, the husband smiles at his wife and says, "I would love some ice cream right now." His wife says, "me too! What do you want, I'll go get it." Husband: "I'd like to have 2 scoops of vanilla with chocolate and caramel syrup whipped cream and a cherry on top. Wait, let me write...