Thursday, January 24, 2019
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you...
A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded. "I...
Hilarious Joke: A Young Couple Just Married In Their Honeymoon Suite On Wedding Night
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband - who was a big burly man - tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said. "That's...
A guy and his wife went to an expensive golf course. He said to his wife, "Be careful of the expensive houses around us. I don't know if we can afford to break a window." His wife tees off and breaks the biggest window of the most expensive looking house. He said, "Oh no! We had better go ask how much it's...
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: The Best Husband In The World
A cellphone starts ringing in the locker room of a gym. A man, fresh out of the shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, answers. The other people in the locker room listen out of curiosity. "Hello?" "A women's voice answers, "Hi babe, it's me. Are you at the gym?" "Yep." "So I'm just doing a little shopping and found this amazing...
A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant, so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow. 'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a candle for you,' he promises. Time...
Funny Revenge Story Joke - Man Left His Wife For His Secretary
After 37 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in his and his wife's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were better than his wife's, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just three days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,...
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even...
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I...
Husband Wife Joke: Doctor, Woman & Green Tea Placebo Effect
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue... Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do,.. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of green tea and start swirling it in your mouth. Don't drink it,...
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: A Couple Making Love In Their Bedroom
Ole and Lena are having love in their bedroom. Ole says, "Lena, did you know that there are 117,000 musk ox in Alaska?" Lena says, "No, I didn't." Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are 482,000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?" Lena says, "No, I didn't. Gee, you're smart." Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are more than 2 million...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: The 11th Husband And Virgin Wife
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be possible, if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to...
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail...
Hilarious Dumb Joke: Stupid Husband At Bar And Cheating Wife
Paddy and his two good friends were sitting at a bar, talking about their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician," his first friend said, taking a swig of his beer. "How's that?" his other friend asked. "Well, the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed, and they weren't mine." The other men clapped...
Hilarious Joke: Taxi Driver Couldn't Stop Talking About A Stranger
A young man stood at the side of the road and hailed a taxi. When he got in, the driver said, "Well, that was perfect timing. You're a lot like Frank." The passenger asked: "Who is Frank?" The taxi driver explained: "Frank Feldman. He also had perfect timing and was always there at just the right moment. Just like you hailing a taxi...
Clean Hilarious Marriage Parenting Joke: Human Race Creation Or Evolution
A little girl asked her father: "How did the human race appear?" The father answered: "God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her father and said: "Dad, how is...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Never Lie To A Smart Wife / Woman
One day, the husband called his wife, and asked: "Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to...
Hilarious Joke: Wife Asked Husband To Quit Drinking, Gambling And Golf
A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum...
Hilarious Non Veg PC Humor Joke: Naughty Husband, Wife & New Computer
A woman was helping her husband set up his new computer and,... at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and would use each time he had to log on. The husband was a bit bored by the process and, feeling in a rather amorous mood, figured...
A man is talking to the family doctor "Doc, I think my wife is going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell...
Hilarious Joke: Husband tells wife 'his word is the law' but her witty comeback leaves him speechless
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be The Man Of Your House." He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my...
Funny Old Man Joke: I Need Doctor's Prescription To Sleep With My Wife
The medics rushed Mr. Sol Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful....
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Short Joke: Husband & Wife At Beauty Parlor
I accompanied my wife to a parlor when she went to get a haircut. While reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle quite nice,... and I just asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said. (Taken Back) "But my wife is...
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, saw his wife and growled: "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after...