Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said:
"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides,...
she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said:
"I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any...
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man,
tossed his trousers to his new bride and said:
"Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband,
"and don't you...
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over,...
was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at...
Joke Title: Laugh... With Viagra
At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines.
Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: "Tylenol?"
"Very good! And what is it used for?"
"It is used for a headache."
The second pupil said: "Nytol."
"Excellent!" said Sister Catherine. "And what it is used...
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet.
When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.
"I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie.
Poof! A beer appeared.
Next, the man said, "I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women."
Poof! He was on an island with...
This is Awesome, One smart father goes to his son.
Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But...
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.
After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,
"This is amazing. How do you do it...
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend,
"My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her.
Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend,
I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not...
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.
In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded,
"Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite donkey...
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our...
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan.
Realising he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir,"
the clerk told him apologetically,
"but down the hall from your room is a robot vending machine that should serve your...
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says,
"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds,
"Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says,
"No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside...
Joke Title: "SUPPLIES"
There friends an Irishman, a Russian and a Japanese man,
all set out on a journey looking for work.
They go by a quiet little dusty town and see a sign advertising work in the local coal mine.
The pay is great, so they go off and look for the boss.
They find him and he tells them:
"Well, you know, I...
An elderly man walks into a confessional.
The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years,
many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins? "
Priest: "What kind...
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar,
stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink,...
and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.
As they drove through the...
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said,
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said,
"Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said,
"Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said,
"Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink...
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed, naked and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said,
"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your...
After numerous rounds of,...
"We don't even know if Osama bin Laden is still alive",
Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice.
Condi and...
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals.
The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came...
During one of her daily classes,
a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would...
Bill Gate's company made software to run a car.
Bill was taking a test ride of the car.
Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.
Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.
A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"
Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.
In panic Bill forgot the password to...
A little girl asked her father:
"How did the human race appear?"
The father answered:
"God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made."
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered:
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her father and said:
"Dad, how is...
One afternoon a Lawyer was driving home,...
when he saw a man eating grass by the side of the road
"Why are doing that?" the lawyer asked.
"I don't have any money for food" the man replied.
"Oh, then you must come with me".
"But, Sir, I have a wife and five children."
"They are all welcome".
So the family got in the lawyer's car and...
Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress,..
are chatting over lunch and the conversation turns to their relationships.
They decided that night to surprise their men..
All three would wear a black leather bra and thong, stiletto heels, and a mask over their eyes.
A few days later they meet up for lunch.
The engaged woman said: The other night when...
This guy walks into a quiet bar.
He is carrying three ducks.
One in each hand and one under his left arm.
He places them on the bar.
He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.
The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
They...
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,..
"Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar,..
which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor...
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says...
