A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit.
Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.
So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars as bribe.
The partner was horrified.
"The judge is an honorable man," the partner...
A woman (mom) was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night,
when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.
He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes,
and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not...
In a school science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
1) The first worm...
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H - Husband, W - Wife)
H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Joke Title: Mr. Paddy
Doctor wanted to get off work and play golf, so he approached his assistant Paddy.
"I am going golfing tomorrow Paddy and I don't want to close the clinic.
I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients."
"Yes, sir!" answers Paddy.
The doctor goes off to golf and returns the following...
There was a good old barber in Town.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut.
After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
"I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service."
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop,...
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the...
Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died.
1st ghost : How u died?
2nd ghost : I died of cold.
1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was accidentally locked in the refrigerator.
Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze,
later I felt the whole world was dark...
One night 4 college students were playing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.
They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night...
One day Jack's dad bought a robot.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him,
"Son why are you late from school?".
Jack answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and...
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.
This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place,
Since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to...
Dorothy was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away.
She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying.
One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her.
Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it...
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed.
"Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem....
Once, there was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree.
The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!"
So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females."
And all the bears in the forest turned...
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
After his talk, he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asked: "What is your name?"
Boy: "Bob."
George: "And what is your question, Bob?"
Bob: "I have 3 questions."
"First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?"
"Second, why are you president when...
Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked:
"Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded:
"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're...
After a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island.
Hours pass, and only one other man makes it to the island with her, and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.
They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.
At the beginning...
Joke Title: A to Z...!!
An airplane is flying over the United States at night.
The pilot says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown out."
A little later, the pilot says:
"We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin".
The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out.
Pilot:...
Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and...
Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says:
"You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the...
There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"
the finale had the following three incidents...
Third Place
"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday.
I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.
As we lay in bed after making love, we...
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife.
The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video.
They sat down together to watch it.
Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!
He saw the...
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.
Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their...
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant.
They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived.
Both the...
Joke Title: Acquainted
This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus.
A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors.
She tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight.
So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little.
She tried to step up onto the...
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV,
but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."
"Now we have a nice house, nice car,...
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital,
And she timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator responded,
"I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said,
"Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied,
"Let me place you on hold while I check...
