A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,...
Where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch...
You...
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H - Husband, W - Wife)
H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Joke Title: Acquainted
This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus.
A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors.
She tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight.
So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little.
She tried to step up onto the...
A woman (mom) was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night,
when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.
He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes,
and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not...
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend",
When she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied,
"My wife loves this beard. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Really, I can't," he replied.
"My wife loves...
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers:
"Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says:
"An Italian girl,...!!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport...
Joke Title: Test
An old woman had 3 daughters.
One day she decided to test her Sons-in-law.
One day she was walking along a lakeshore with the first son-in-law.
Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.
The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class...
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.
"I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is...
A woman comes home and tells her husband,
"Remember those Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?"
the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,...
"I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not...
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window, It's...
In a school science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
1) The first worm...
An elderly man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about...
Joke Title: Who Needs Prayers?
A lady approaches a priest and tells him,
"Father, I have a problem.
I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.
They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed.
"But I do have a solution to your problem.
Bring your two parrots over to my...
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant.
They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived.
Both the...
Judi tried to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on the odometer.
One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon.
Her friend told her,
"There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Judi,
"I...
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,
and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example First,
"My dad is a farmer and we have chickens.
One Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in...
A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit.
Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.
So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars as bribe.
The partner was horrified.
"The judge is an honorable man," the partner...
Joke Title: This Is The Maid
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says,
"I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."
The man says,
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies,...
"She is upstairs in...
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting...
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.
Just...
Jack decided to go skiing with his best friend buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and...
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man.
"You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old.
"When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing' comes...
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. The young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all -- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring...
One Monday morning a guy was in the neighborhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Billy the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Billy, looks like you guys had a hell of a party...
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed, naked and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said,
"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your...
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers.
There weren't as many violators this day as usual.
The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the...
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.
George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady...
