Sunday, January 19, 2020
Hilarious Clean Animals Joke Of The Day: Lion King Of The Jungle
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in...
Hilarious Best Money Joke Of The Day: Dad, Kid & Choked Coin
Joke Title: Cough It Up A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding One money coin. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a Tea...
Hilariously Bad Shitty Joke Of The Day: World's Fastest Thing
A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to shit so he crouches down on the grass and does his business. Just as he is finishing his job, he sees a policeman walking towards him. He covers the shit with his hat. When the policeman arrives he...
Hilarious Clean Animal Joke Of The Day: Very Intelligent Good Dog
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged...
Best Women Joke Of The Day: Good Genie v/s Man's Wish
Joke Title: If You Had One Wish A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish." The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and...
The Rich Lawyer V/S Donation: Best Comedy Joke Of The Day
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $50,00,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give...
Hilarious Animal Joke Of The Day: Police Officer & Talking Monkey
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and...
Hilariously Good Joke: Young Woman V/S Honest Priest
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes...
Hilarious Joke For Kids: Innocent Farm Boy & Mighty Neighbor
Joke Title: Pa Won't Like It A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw...
Hilariously Good & Clean Office Joke Of The Day: Pet Shop v/s Boss
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey. The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00 Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper. The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer. The man then asks about the next monkey...
Hilarious Silly Old Man Vs Young Man Clean Joke: Time Please
Young Man: "Sir, may I know the time, please?" Old Man: "Certainly not." Young Man: "Sir, but why? What are you going to lose, if you tell me the time?" Old Man: "Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time." Young Man: "But Sir, can you tell me how?" Old Man: "See, if I tell you the time you will definitely...
Hilarious Technology Joke Of The Day: Customer Care In 2050
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy, The Best Pizzas in this Earth. May I have your..." Customer: "Hello, can I order?" Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh..., hold... ...on... 889861356102049 998-45-54610" Operator: "OK... you're... Mr. Gomez and you're calling from 143 Bangkal St, Sky View Apt, Makati, 80th floor... Your home number is 8094! 2366,...
Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Smart Monkey In The Plane
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey. Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?" Monkey: "Tying their...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Doctor & Elderly Lady's Demand
Joke Title: 20 Years My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack. "Doctor," she pleaded with her cardiologist, "You must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's bar mitzvah." "We'll try," he replied compassionately. In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage. Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter...
Hilarious Best Lame Joke Of The Day: Five Friends & Crime Story
Joke Title: JUST A JOKE This is crime story. Five Best friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY. One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police. MAD: Is it police station??? Police: Yes, what is the matter?? MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. Police: Are you mad? MAD: Yes, I'm MAD. Police: Don't you have BRAIN. MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom... Police: you...
Hilarious Best Business Joke Of The Day: How To Impress A Client
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman,...
Hilarious Political Comedy Joke: George Bush v/s School Kids
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asked: "What is your name?" Boy: "Bob." George: "And what is your question, Bob?" Bob: "I have 3 questions." "First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?" "Second, why are you president when...
Hilarious Neighbor Joke Of The Day: American NRI Patelbhai
It was 3.00 AM in the morning and wife Rachel was not able to sleep as her husband was pacing the bedroom floor with self-talking, gesturing with anxiety of some short. So Rachel asked the husband Jackie:, "What was so bothering him that he would keep her from sex and also let her not sleep." "You know our next door kindly neighbor,...
Hilarious Political Joke: Indian Tourist And Bronze Statue Of A Rat
An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, But is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for...
Hilarious Humor Joke On Earth Creation: God Meets Bureaucracy
In the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in...
Hilariously Comedy Humor: Reason Why Never Visit A 5 Star Hotel
Question : "What would you like to have .. Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?" Answer: "Tea please." Question : "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?" Answer : "Ceylon tea." Question : "How would you like it? black or white?" Answer : "White." Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?" Answer : "With milk." Question : "Goat...
Clean & Hilarious Simple Marriage Joke: Cyclone & Husband Wife
A cyclone hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not...
Hilarious American Politician Joke: Bush, Osama Bin Laden & Israeli Mossad
After numerous rounds of,... "We don't even know if Osama bin Laden is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and...
Hilarious Bachelors Joke Of The Day: Conversation With Salesman
This is a conversation that took place between (Y) and a marketing guy (X) X: Which shaving cream do you use? Y: Baba's X: Which aftershave do you use? Y: Baba's X: Which deodorant do you use? Y: Baba's X: Which toothpaste do you use? Y: Baba's X: Which shampoo do you use? Y: Baba's X: Which socks do you use? Y: Baba's X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba?...
Hilarious Social Charity Joke Of The Day: Generous Lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community...
Hilarious Animal Joke Of The Day: Vampire Bat & Fresh Blood
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood,.. and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get some sleep. However, they persisted until he finally...