Sunday, August 25, 2019
Hilarious Comedy Joke: The Most Unusual Funeral Procession
A man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso,... When he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200...
Men Will Be Men Joke: A Man Is Dating Three Women And Wants To Decide Which To Marry
A millionaire businessman is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new...
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. "Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?" he asked. "No sir," the policeman responded, "but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away." "Officer, who provided this description?" "The officer who responded to the scene." "A fellow officer provided the description of this...
Hilarious Joke: The World's Most Expensive Memorial Stone
A man named Bill died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Ah well, Bill would be pleased," she said. "You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "So go on,...
Hilarious Best Money Joke Of The Day: Dad, Kid & Choked Coin
Joke Title: Cough It Up A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding One money coin. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a Tea...
Smart Grandma In Hospital Best Joke: How To Keep Yourself Informed
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital, And she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check...
Clean Hilarious Marriage Parenting Joke: Human Race Creation Or Evolution
A little girl asked her father: "How did the human race appear?" The father answered: "God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her father and said: "Dad, how is...
Joke Of The Day: Introducing The New Doctor To The Community
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the...
Hilarious Best Award Winning English Joke: Don't Complicate Issues
Joke title: Don't Complicate Issues My Friend This particular joke won the award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see...
Hilarious Best Business Joke Of The Day: How To Impress A Client
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman,...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Old Best Friends & Their Sons
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the restroom. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and...
Good Hilarious Catholic Joke: Heart Attack & Health Insurance Bill
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked, 'Do you have health insurance?' He replied in a raspy voice, 'No' The...
Hilarious Marriage Humor Of The Day: Smart Divorced Barbie
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes...
Hilariously Dirty Bad Joke Of The Day: Shitty Cheating
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!" "Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely. "See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband...
Naughty Joke Of The Day: Young Woman's Confession On Passionate Love
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink...
Hilarious Joke: Wife Decides To Give Birthday Surprise To Husband
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated,... A waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings...
Hilarious Pakistani Joke Of The Day: Best Business Strategy
Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars at several motorway services in England. Ahmed drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Hamid only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day. Hamid asks Ahmed how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day. Ahmed says, "Look at your sign." It...
Hilarious Fart Joke: A Woman Goes To Her Boyfriend's Parents House For Dinner
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no...
Hilariously Best Friends Bad Joke Of The Day: It Could Have Been Worse
Three friends had a very good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say "It could have been worse." His friends hated that quality about him, So they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his...
Hilarious Cheating Joke: Three Men And Heavenly Transportation
Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will...
Hilarious Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: American Tourist & Mexican Delicacy
An american was touring Mexico. After his day's sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What was that you just served the gentleman at the next table?" The waiter replied, "Ah, senor, you...
Hilarious Naughty Joke Of The Day: Wife Likes Her Birthday Gift
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said: "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides,... she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said: "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any...
Hilarious Best Husband Wife Joke For Today: Learn To Shut Up
Joke Title: Twenty Dollars On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years,.. with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and...
Hilarious Indian Management Joke Of The Day: Ravan & Pappu
Once Pappu started praying to Ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very happy from the bhakti of Pappu. Then Ravan decides to give 3 vardans to Pappu. RAVAN: Say vatsa! What you want? PAPPU: I want 100 vardans. RAVAN: But I can give you only 3 vardans. PAPPU: But I want 100 vardans. RAVAN: No child that's not possible. PAPPU: No I want 100 means...
Hilarious Clean Religious Joke: Framing The Question Correctly
Two friends Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks,.. "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says,.. "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to...
Hilarious Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Coats Business
Jacob was in coats business, but unfortunately business was very bad. One day his partner James said to him, "What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They're last year's style and even though we've knocked them down to $100 each, we still can't sell any." Jacob replied, "Use your head, James. Price them at $200 and send 10 of...
Hilarious Best Religious Joke Of The Day: Priest VS Taxi Driver
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. "Come with me", said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool. "Wow, thank...