Thursday, January 24, 2019
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St....
Hilarious Joke: A Good Bar Joke That Always Makes Women Laugh
Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water...
Clean Old Age Humor Joke: Angry Wife & Her Husband's Hearing New Aid
Working at the post office... I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. ... I'll have you know, my husband...
Hilarious Husband Wife Marriage Humor: Telephonic Conversation
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Dianne has been quite difficult... Yes, I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable...
Husband Wife Joke: Doctor, Woman & Green Tea Placebo Effect
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue... Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do,.. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of green tea and start swirling it in your mouth. Don't drink it,...
Husband Wife Joke: The Secret Shoebox And Crochet Dolls
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these...
A man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were...
Men Will Be Men Joke: A Man Is Dating Three Women And Wants To Decide Which To Marry
A millionaire businessman is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new...
Hilarious Joke: Rabbi, My Wife Is Trying to Poison Me. What Should I Do?
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What"s wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I"m telling you, I"m certain she"s poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me...
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." As expected, the wife wasn't happy at being imposed upon during what she imagined to be a quiet evening. His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to...
Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game. "Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broken, and if you don't fix it the food will go bad," Kate said. Paul yelled back, "Who do I look like, the PG&E man?...
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes...
Hilarious Marriage Humor: Difference Before and After Wedding
Marriage is an exciting part of our life. The vows we made on our wedding days really did mean the world to us, and we thought the blessed joy of matrimony would never die. However, once we are married, that thrill does dip – let's be honest about it! The hilarious joke below makes this truth perfectly clear! Husband: At last! I can...
Dark Humor Joke: Married Man, Cheating Wife And Cabby
A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at...
Hilarious Joke: A Doctor And His Wife Having A Big Argument
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Things in the bedroom hadn't been good for a while, so they were going at it over that. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. He began his working day, and didn't hear a peep from his wife. By mid-morning, he decided to make amends and phoned...
Hilarious Joke: A Young Couple Just Married In Their Honeymoon Suite On Wedding Night
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband - who was a big burly man - tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said. "That's...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful....
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Perception of Husband & Wife
Two women are chatting in office. Woman 1: I had $ex last night, did you? Woman 2: Yes. Woman 1: Was it good? Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having $ex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was...
A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant, so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow. 'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a candle for you,' he promises. Time...
Joke Of The Day: Smart and Intelligent Divorced Wife's Revenge
After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and...
Best Hilarious Old Man Marriage Joke Of The Day: The Old Motor
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it...
Dirty Hilarious Joke: The Pearly Gates Entrance Exam
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: The Best Husband In The World
A cellphone starts ringing in the locker room of a gym. A man, fresh out of the shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, answers. The other people in the locker room listen out of curiosity. "Hello?" "A women's voice answers, "Hi babe, it's me. Are you at the gym?" "Yep." "So I'm just doing a little shopping and found this amazing...
Joke Of The Day: Doctor's Advice Gets Old Woman in Big Trouble
An elderly lady went to the doctor and asked for his help in reviving her husband's passion. "Why don't you give him Vi*gra?" the doctor asked. "Oh, no," the woman replied. "He doesn't even take aspirin for a headache!" "That's not a problem," the doctor told her. "Just crush up the pill and slip it into his coffee. He'll never even know." Several days later,...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Never Lie To A Smart Wife / Woman
One day, the husband called his wife, and asked: "Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to...
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Wife Teasing Husband For Cricket Match
One good morning Wife was reading a newspaper, while Husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, Wife burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a man is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the cricket stadium." "Hmmm," Husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Wife said, "Would you swap me...