Saturday, June 6, 2020
Great Marriage Humor: Quotes, Sayings & Mix Short Jokes
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage. Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when...
Hilarious Naughty Marriage Joke Of The Day: New Husband
In a small town in the old country the Rabbi died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again. But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and...
Best Marriage Humor: A Man and A Woman Sleeping in Train
A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am,...
Hilarious Husband Wife Clean Joke Of The Day: Bank Robbery
A man walks into a Bank, gets in line, and when it was his turn he pulls out a gun ... and robs the Bank! ... But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line: "Did you see me rob this Bank?" The customer replies ..... "YES" The bank robber raises his gun POINTS IT...
Clean Good Husband Wife Joke: 22 Years Of Fantastic Marriage
John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! * * * * * * * * She only does it...
Hilarious Best Husband Wife Joke For Today: Learn To Shut Up
Joke Title: Twenty Dollars On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years,.. with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and...
Best Husband Wife Humor Of The Day: Before & After Marriage
Marriage... in different directions... Before the marriage: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: NO! Why you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Yes! She: Will you hit me? He: No way! I'm not such kind...
Hilarious Husband Wife Corny Joke: Wife Going To Las Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied: "I'm going to Las Vegas." He asked her why she was going. She told him: "I just found out that as a woman I can make £400 a night doing what I...
Hilarious Husband Wife Naughty Conversation Joke: Seasonal Excitement
A statue of a Macho athlete was displayed in a Museum. Husband and Wife came walking there appreciating and arguing everything they saw so far. Husband would not let wife win the battles of wits. So wife relaxed watching this nude statue with just a couple of leaves to cover its privates, hoping husband goes to other displays. The husband says, "Marvelous, but...
Hilarious Naughty Doctor Joke Of The Day: Rusty Newborn Baby
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine." "Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the...
Hilarious Husband Wife Bedroom Humor Short Joke: Undressing
James is alone in the bedroom when his beautiful wife opens the door and walks in. "James," she whispers, "Take off my shirt." "James," she whispers, "Take off my bra." "James," she whispers, "Take off my skirt." "James," she whispers, "Take of my stockings." "James," she whispers, "Take off my panties." "James!" she screams, * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "And Don't ever wear my fucking clothes again!"
Hilarious Humor Of The Day: Great Quotes & Saying On Marriage
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Gui try After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they...
Hilarious Naughty Women Joke Of The Day: Annual Outing
Jenny was explaining to her husband how much fun they'd had at the beach during her bridge club annual outing. "But," she told him, "it didn't end all that great for me." "Why, what happened?" he asked. "I went out to take a swim in the rough water but I didn't go out far because the waves were very bad. Then I suddenly...
Hilarious Elderly Joke Of The Day: Husband Scolds His Wife For Forgetting
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she din't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to...
Best Clean Husband Wife Joke Of All Time: Success Of Marriage
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband...
Grandpa & Grandma Cute Joke Of The Day: Good Old Days
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day to make it,.. "yesterday once more". They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young. The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of...
Hilarious Older Couple Joke: Romantic Night After 50 Years
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to...
Hilarious Husband Wife Naughty Joke: Dinner In A Restaurant
A man and a woman are having dinner in a restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, spots that the man is slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. As the waitress watches, the man slides all the way under and out of sight. Still, the woman dining opposite him appears...
Best Hilarious Non Veg Joke: Pregnant Wife & Husband's Labor Pain
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if they'd like to try it. The machine would take some of the woman's pain away and give it to the father there by easing the mothers burden. The couple thought it was a good idea and agreed...
Clean Hilarious Smart Father Joke Of The Day: Think Positive
This is Awesome, One smart father goes to his son. Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice" Son: "I will choose my own bride!" Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son: "Well, in that case...ok" Next - Father approaches Bill Gates. Father: "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Father: "But...
Really Funny Clean Old Age Joke Of The Day: Shameless Visitor
The Grandmother of a just got married grandson phoned that he was coming to present his beautiful lovely wife to grandma. The delighted Grandma started giving instructions how to come to their high rise colony retirement Apartment. She started blabbering, "When you come to the front door of the apartment building inside vestibule, My son there is a push button, push it with...
Husband Wife Short Joke Of The Day: How To Enjoy Sunday?
Husband Darling, my sweet heart I will be enjoying this Sunday. Wife: How? Husband: I bought three tickets for the movie. Wife: thats great, but we are two, why you bought three tickets ??? * * * * * * * Husband: Darling one for you, one for your mother and one for your brother. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comedy Husband Wife Short Joke: Good Compliment
A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out of shape. Pay me a compliment." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Hilarious Clean Wedding Joke Of The Day: Horrible 4 Letter Words
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter...
Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Polish Divorce V/S Lawyer
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect,... They got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,... And asked him the following questions: L: Have...
Hilarious Bad Marriage Joke Of The Day: I Want A Divorce
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70mph. He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because...
Hilarious Husband Wife's Best Comedy Joke: Surprise Birthday Gift
The wife was very unhappy with her old car and complained a lot to her husband: Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband... "Buy me a surprise for my birthday!" she said. "Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!" Happy and excited she was counting down the days...