Saturday, December 15, 2018
Hilarious Dark Joke Of The Day: A Woman And A Sensitive Man
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf...
Hilarious Dumb Joke: Stupid Husband At Bar And Cheating Wife
Paddy and his two good friends were sitting at a bar, talking about their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician," his first friend said, taking a swig of his beer. "How's that?" his other friend asked. "Well, the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed, and they weren't mine." The other men clapped...
Hilarious Joke: A Young Couple Just Married In Their Honeymoon Suite On Wedding Night
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband - who was a big burly man - tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said. "That's...
Funny Naughty Joke: The Modern Teenage Granddaughter VS Smart Grandmother
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager yells back: "Loosen up, Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting...
Hilarious Bad Joke: Innocent Arab Grandpa In Italian Hospital
An Arab family residing in Europe was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian nursing home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asked the grandson. "It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and...
Joke Of The Day: Introducing The New Doctor To The Community
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the...
Hilarious Joke: A Doctor And His Wife Having A Big Argument
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Things in the bedroom hadn't been good for a while, so they were going at it over that. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. He began his working day, and didn't hear a peep from his wife. By mid-morning, he decided to make amends and phoned...
Hilarious Wife Joke: Smart Lesson To A Cheating Husband
When the math professor's wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband: "My dearest wife, We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer...
Funny Joke Of The Day: A Teacher And Little Johnny In The Class
A teacher said to her class, "Right, I'm going to hold something under the desk and I want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "No it's an apple, but I like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green." The teacher ignored Little Johnny...
Naughty Innocence Joke: It's Easy For Words To Be Misconstrued
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me...
Funny Old Man Joke: I Need Doctor's Prescription To Sleep With My Wife
The medics rushed Mr. Sol Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell...
Hilarious Cheating Joke: Three Men And Heavenly Transportation
Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will...
Naughty Old Man Joke: Smart Farmer And Skinny-dipping Women - Funny Jokes
Ron, an elderly smart man in Australia, had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond at the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: A Couple Making Love In Their Bedroom
Ole and Lena are having love in their bedroom. Ole says, "Lena, did you know that there are 117,000 musk ox in Alaska?" Lena says, "No, I didn't." Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are 482,000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?" Lena says, "No, I didn't. Gee, you're smart." Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are more than 2 million...
Hilarious Joke: The Suspicious Father And His Three Beautiful Teenage Daughters
There once was a farmer whose wife had died and left him with three beautiful teenage daughters. Every weekend, when they went out on dates, the farmer would stand at the door with his shotgun, making it clear to their dates he wanted no trouble from them. Another Saturday night came around. At about 7pm., there was a knock on the door. He answered and...
Hilariously Stupid Joke: A Blonde Being Asked To Climb A Pole
A group of guys were chatting with a hot good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it. When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?" The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and...
Bad Arrogant Joke: The Prudish Son and the Sausage Factory
There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "this should impress him!" He showed his son a machine and said: "Son, this is the heart of the...
Hilarious Joke: A Journalist Interviewing A Mom-Of-8
A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview. He asked her about the boys and what their names were. She said 'Kevin'. 'Right', he said, 'what about that blonde one over there?' 'Kevin', she said. 'Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?' 'Kevin', she said. 'Well, and the little chubby one...
Hilarious Old Age Humor: Grandma Buys A Bumper Sticker, Never Expecting What It Would Get Her Into
Dear Granddaughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I...
Innocent Divorce Joke: A Mom Is Driving A Little Girl To Her Friends House For A Play Date
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite." "OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "These are personal questions and are really...
Men Will Be Men Joke: A Man Is Dating Three Women And Wants To Decide Which To Marry
A millionaire businessman is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new...
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy...
Dentist Joke: This Guy Can't Stop Washing His Hands
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised,...
Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game. "Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broken, and if you don't fix it the food will go bad," Kate said. Paul yelled back, "Who do I look like, the PG&E man?...
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch?...
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" Mrs. Parks ignored...
One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises. He pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam. So, both boys decided to stay and watch her. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after...