Friday, April 10, 2020
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Perception of Husband & Wife
Two women are chatting in office. Woman 1: I had $ex last night, did you? Woman 2: Yes. Woman 1: Was it good? Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having $ex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was...
Hilarious Best Marriage Humor Joke Of The Day: Married Too Long
Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress,.. Are chatting over lunch and the conversation turns to their relationships. They decided that night to surprise their men.. All three would wear a black leather bra and thong, stiletto heels, and a mask over their eyes. A few days later they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman said: The other night when...
Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Dirty Talking Prostitute Parrots
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun'?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your...
Hilarious Cute Joke Of The Day: Innocence Babies At Its Best
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling. "What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply. "Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll...
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: The 11th Husband And Virgin Wife
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be possible, if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to...
One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises. He pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam. So, both boys decided to stay and watch her. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after...
Hilarious Husband Wife Bedroom Humor Short Joke: Undressing
James is alone in the bedroom when his beautiful wife opens the door and walks in. "James," she whispers, "Take off my shirt." "James," she whispers, "Take off my bra." "James," she whispers, "Take off my skirt." "James," she whispers, "Take of my stockings." "James," she whispers, "Take off my panties." "James!" she screams, * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "And Don't ever wear my fucking clothes again!"
Hilarious Short Husband Wife Joke: Wrong Number In The Night
A man and his wife are sound asleep in bed when the phone rings. The man picks up, listens for a second and says, "How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman," before slamming down the receiver. "Who was that?" asks his wife. "Wrong number. * * * * * * * * * * * * It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear."
Hilarious Naughty Women Joke Of The Day: Annual Outing
Jenny was explaining to her husband how much fun they'd had at the beach during her bridge club annual outing. "But," she told him, "it didn't end all that great for me." "Why, what happened?" he asked. "I went out to take a swim in the rough water but I didn't go out far because the waves were very bad. Then I suddenly...
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch?...
Hilarious Dirty Husband Wife Best Joke: No More Bad Headaches?
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,... "I do not Have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not...
Hilarious Husband Wife Corny Joke: Wife Going To Las Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied: "I'm going to Las Vegas." He asked her why she was going. She told him: "I just found out that as a woman I can make £400 a night doing what I...
Hilariously Stupid Joke: A Blonde Being Asked To Climb A Pole
A group of guys were chatting with a hot good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it. When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?" The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and...
Hilarious Old Widows Naughty Joke: Best Senior Dating
Dorothy and Edna, two old age "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date,... I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna: "Well, I'll tell you,... what happened last week, He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7...
Hilarious Joke: Poor Jewish Man And His Good Deeds For Heaven
A very good and pious Jew, Samuel Goldberg, man dies and immediately goes to heaven. The angel at the gate greets him and tells him that he can't admit him to heaven. When Mr. Goldberg asks why, the angel replies, "Well, this is a little embarrassing. You see, as I look at your record, for all intents and purposes, you have no...
Hilarious Dirty Joke Of The Day: Country Doctors
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gentleman suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the...
Hilarious Corny Joke Of The Day: Clever Guest & Super Computer
The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said,... ..."is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it". At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Effiecency Of The Restaurant Staff
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization. Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant,... and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt...
Hilarious Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Blind Man & Land Lady
A handsome blind person was allowed to stay as a paying guest by a lonely land lady. Being blind, he was considered as harmless creature free to move any where in the house. Once he comes back to house from out side. The moment he enters the house he starts shouting happily and searching the land lady in the house. He is asks...
Funny Joke Of The Day: A Teacher And Little Johnny In The Class
A teacher said to her class, "Right, I'm going to hold something under the desk and I want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "No it's an apple, but I like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green." The teacher ignored Little Johnny...
Naughty Old Man Joke: Smart Farmer And Skinny-dipping Women - Funny Jokes
Ron, an elderly smart man in Australia, had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond at the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been...
Dirty Hilarious Joke: The Pearly Gates Entrance Exam
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came...
Hilarious Husband Wife Bad Joke Of The Day: Fishing Surprise
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly,... made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck,... and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on...
Hilarious Husband Wife Short Dirty Joke: Bad Horse Riding
A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, So he said he had discussed "Horseback Riding" with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,... and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said:, * * * * * * * * * "Yes, I...
Hilarious Grandma Vs Doctor Dirty Joke: Baby's First Clinic Visit
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,... waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight,.. and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed? "Breast-fed," she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded,...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: Little Johnny's Dirty Class For Medicines
Joke Title: Laugh... With Viagra At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil said: "Tylenol?" "Very good! And what is it used for?" "It is used for a headache." The second pupil said: "Nytol." "Excellent!" said Sister Catherine. "And what it is used...