Saturday, December 15, 2018
Naughty Innocence Joke: It's Easy For Words To Be Misconstrued
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me...
Funny Old Man Joke: I Need Doctor's Prescription To Sleep With My Wife
The medics rushed Mr. Sol Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell...
Clean Funny Old Age Joke: Two Elderly People In a Trailer Park
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few...
Hilarious Joke: Grandma Gets Called To Court – What She Reveals On The Witness Stand Shocks Everyone
In a court trial in a small town in Nebraska, the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand. He walked up to her and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?" She answered, "Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley. I've known you since you were a little boy, and honestly, you're a disappointment. You...
Hilarious Joke: Old Lady Spends Her First Night In A Nursing Home
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean...
Hilarious Old Age Humor: Grandma Buys A Bumper Sticker, Never Expecting What It Would Get Her Into
Dear Granddaughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I...
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy...
An Elderly couple... sitting down watching television when the commercials come on, the husband smiles at his wife and says, "I would love some ice cream right now." His wife says, "me too! What do you want, I'll go get it." Husband: "I'd like to have 2 scoops of vanilla with chocolate and caramel syrup whipped cream and a cherry on top. Wait, let me write...
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special...
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on...
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two...
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be...
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer." the father says. "We're...
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old...
A man is talking to the family doctor "Doc, I think my wife is going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell...
Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day. One day Betty said, "Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me...
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate...
The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80% held up their hands. He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady. "Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Johnson that is...
A couple had been married for over 50 years and had many children and grandchildren. One day, the eldest son calls his father for a normal chat and his father starts musing. "You know son, after 50 years, I'm not really in love with your mother any more. I'm thinking of getting a divorce and leaving her." The son is absolutely...
An old couple has their friends over for dinner one evening, and after the meal the two men retire to the living room while the women remain chatting at the table. The one guy says to his friend "Hey, we went to a really great restaurant last week and I think you'd really like it. They had good portions for...