Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!”

Banta: Nooo, it’s my HELLO TUNE!


Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao.

Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!


Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.

Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.


A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.

Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya!


Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.

Santa: Kamaal hai! Sab ka nishana chook gaya?


Santa meets his old friend.

Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.

Friend: Oye, iska matlab?

Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.


Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.

Banta: KYO?

Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.


Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.

Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.

Santa: Maine mana kiya that…

Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!


Santa to Doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.

Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.


Santa was writing the passive voice of ‘I made a mistake.’

He wrote: I was made by a mistake.


Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.

Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai.


Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.

Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.


Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.

Santa: Kaise?

Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli ‘Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain’


Santa ne Airtel ke office me phone kiya,

Santa: Mere phone ka bill bahut jyada aya hai,

Itni to mene baat bhi nahi ki hai.

Banta (Airtel Se): Accha apka plan kya hai?

Santa: Abhi to market aya hua hu,

Sham ko daru piunga… aap apna plan bataiye..

Banta Behosh


Santa: Bhai aaj to gazab ho gaya.

Banta: Lottery lag gyi kya paji?

Santa: Oye nahi, me bus me baitha tha, tabhi ek aadmi aaya aur sale ne phone me rashtrgaan chala diya.

Banta: fir?

Santa: Fir kya rashtrgaan sunte hi me khada ho gya aur,.. wo kamina meri seat par baith gya.


Santa Raat ko girlfriend se milne gaya,

Jaise hi darwaja khatkhtaya.

Sapna: kaun hai?

Santa: me hu.

Sapna: me kaun?

Santa: are ullu ki patthi, tu sapna aur kaun.


Santa: kal meri shaadi hai aur ladki walo ne kam log bulaye hai.

Banta: to isme problem kya hai?

Santa: pata nahi papa mujhe le jaynge ya nahi.


Santa: agar Bijli nahi hota to kya hota?

Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta.


Driver: Sir, Car ka Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai, ab aage nahi bad sakte.

Santa: Koi baat nahi, Car reverse (back Gear) lo aur ghar vaapas chalo.


Madam: oxygen is important for all living creatures because,…

It is important for our cells to survive. It was discovered in 1773.

Santa: baap re bach gaya!! agar usse pehle paida hota to main mar jaata.


Boss: tumhe MS office pata hai?

Santa: agar address denge to main doond looonga sir.


Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya.

Santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya,… chodo.


Santa : Aaj papa ne pitayi kar di.

Banta : Kyun?

Santa : Meine to sirf itna pucha “KAMINE” film dekhne chal rahe ho ya ghar pe hi “BLUE” film dekhoge.


Raat ke 2 baje santa ke number par phone aaya: Hello yaha Fatima Mehfooz rehti hai kya?

Santa : Kutte itni raat ko Fatima mere paas hoti to mehfooz rehti kya?


Santa (Police station ja kar bola): mujhe phone par dhamaki mil rahi hai.

Inspector: kaun de raha hai?

Santa – BSNL vaale. kahate hain, Bill nahin bhara to “kaat” denge.


SANTA:Lalaji dettol soap hai,

Lala:ha,

Santa:acha vala hai,

Lala:ha,

Santa: achi quality ka hai,

Lala:ha bhai ha,

Santa: thik hai hath dhokr 1kg aata do.


Teacher Santa Se: Dahi Ka English Bataao….?

Santa: Milk Sleeping In The Night And Savere Savere Tight…..!!!


Teacher: 2+3=5 aur 5+2=7, ab tum bataao 70+5=? kitna hua?

Santa: Kya sir? aasaan sawaalo ka jaavaab aap de diye aur mushkil savaal mujhse kar rahe ho.


Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye.

Santa: Chal Suicide kar le.

Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai??

Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega?


Santa: Maine Pichle 20 Saalo Me 1 Baat Note Ki Hai!!

Banta: Wo Kya?

Santa: Saala Jab Bhi Faatak Band Hota Hai,… Tab Train Jaroor Aati Hai.


Santa student: Miss, kya aap mujhe raat ko call kar rahi thi??

Teacher: Nahi toh…

Santa: Kamaal hai, subah mere mobile pe likha tha…

MISS CALL..


Santa apne wife ko doctor ke pass le gaya.

Doctor: kaya huwa?

Santa: Doctor meri wife 16 GB ka memory card Nigal gayi hai tabhi se gane ga rahi hai…

Doctor: Koi baat nahi saab thik ho jayega.

Santa: Mai to ye soch kar paresan hu ki video folder par Pahuchegi to kaya hoga?