I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.

That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

  • David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  • Sacha Gui try

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

  • Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

  • Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

  • Dumas

The great question…. which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?”

  • Sigmund Freud

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”

  • Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”

  • James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”

  • Patrick Murray

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…

  • Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

  • Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  • Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

  • Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

  • Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”

Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

  • Anonymous