Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Little Johnny: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again.
If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Little Johnny: Seven!
Teacher: Let’s try this another way.
If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Little Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Little Johnny: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Little Johnny: I’ve already got one rabbit at home now!
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said.
“I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”
Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Little Johnny: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up”
Said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, Little Johnny rose to his feet.
“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?”
Enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the Little Johnny,
“but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
Little Johnny came home from school and said to her mother,
“Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed,
“But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this …
by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
Little Johnny replied, “My homework.”
A high school had a policy that the parents must call the school if a student was to be absent for the day.
Little Johnny decided to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school himself.
This is the conversation of the telephone call…
Little Johnny: “Hi, I’m calling to report that Johnny is unable to make it to school today because he is ill.”
Secretary at high school: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll note his absence. Who is this calling?”
Little Johnny: “This is my mother.”
Needless to say, he didn’t pull it off!
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
Little Johnny had written a note,
“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
The teacher came up with a good problem.
“Suppose,” she asked the second graders,
“There were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?”
“None,” answered Little Johnny.
“None? Johnny, you don’t know your arithmetic.”
“Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
Teacher: Why are you late, Johnny?
Little Johnny: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Little Johnny: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked,
“Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, Little Johnny volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”
Little Johnny comes home from his first day at school.
Mother asks, “What did you learn today?”
Little Johnny replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school.
One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.
He tapped her on the shoulder and said,
“I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”
“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said Little Johnny to a girl.
“Well, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“No.” replied the Little Johnny.
“I’m the principal’s daughter.” said the girl.
“And do you know who I am?” asked Little Johnny.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!” said Little Johnny with a sign of relief.
A man in a hurry taking his eight year old son Johnny to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
“Uh oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!” the man said.
“It’s okay, Dad,” Little Johnny said,
“The police car right behind us did the same thing.”
Teacher asked Little Johnny: how can you prove the earth is round?
Little Johnny replied: I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.
Teacher: Johnny, make a sentence starting with the letter ‘I’.
Little Johnny: I is…
Teacher: No, no, no, don’t say “I is”, you say “I am”.
Little Johnny: OK, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little boy who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said,
“But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing, Little Johnny replied, “They will in a minute.”
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman.
“The detectives want him very badly.”
So Little Johnny asked,
“Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
The class is having a guessing game and the teacher asks,
“OK, what do you call someone who keeps on talking even though nobody else is interested anymore?”
Little Johnny shouts eagerly,
Little Johnny comes home and his father sighs,
“Alright, boy, out with your report card.”
Johnny says, “I don’t have it, dad.”
“What? Why not?” asks his father.
“I borrowed it to my friend. He wanted to freak out his parents.”
Little Johnny plays “shoot the apple from the head” with his friends.
The first shot lands directly in his eye.
“Ooowww man, you got me right in the eye!” he complains to his friend.
But the other friend also wants a go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot.
But bingo, the second shot gets Johnny in the other eye.
Johnny gives up: “Well I’ve had it with this game, I’m going home.
Mom said I should come back once it gets dark anyway.”
Little Johnny was late for school.
The teacher asked him why, and Little Johnny explained it was because he met a man who had lost his wallet on the street.
“Ah,” nodded the teacher,
“You were helping him find it!”
“Um, not really,” said Johnny,
“But I had to keep standing on it until he would give up and go away.”
Teacher asks, “Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?”
Little Johnny pipes up, “HIJKLMNO”!
The teacher is puzzled,
“What on Earth are you talking about, Johnny?”
Little Johnny looks hurt,
“But sir, you yourself said yesterday that it’s H to O!”
History teacher asks Little Johnny:
“Where was the French – English peace treaty from 1800 signed?”
Little Johnny: “Bottom right corner.”
The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.
Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that he’s finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.
“But Johnny, you didn’t paint anything on it?” says the teacher.
“Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away.”
Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents’ bedroom one night.
He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head,
“And these people tell me I shouldn’t pick my nose?!”
Teacher: “Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.”
Mom: Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
Little Johnny: Because I helped her.
Mom: But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
Little Johnny: I helped her eat her gummy bears.
Little Johnny asks the teacher,
“Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
Little Johnny is relieved,
“OK Mrs Roberts, thank you, I haven’t done my homework.”
Teacher tells little Johnny off,
“You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.”
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy,
“Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening at school.
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
“Yes,” nods Johnny,
“It will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”
Little Johnny asks the teacher,
“Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?”
The teacher replies,
“Yes, but only after you recite the alphabet, Johnny.”
Little Johnny says, “Fine!”
Then he quickly babbles out:
The teacher asks him, “Where is the P, Johnny?”
“IT’S RUNNING DOWN MY LEG!!! PLEASE LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!”