Friday, February 15, 2019
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Best Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Honest Girl & Virgin Husband
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there,... you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is 'faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'." With this advice from her...
Little Johnny Vs Sunday School Teacher Joke: Making Bad Faces
Finding one of her student Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground,.. Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, * * * * * * * * * * "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't...
Hilarious Madam Vs Maid Bad Naughty Joke: Good Pay Raise
The Maid asked for a pay raise. Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?" Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "The Master said so." Madam: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I...
Young Boy Vs Farmer Neighbour Bad Joke: Is Your Dad Home?
A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door. "Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked. "Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"? "No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad." "How...
Hilarious Good Comedy Old Biker Joke Of The Day: Hand Job
A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $1000 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers. "Yes?" she...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Elderly Women & Speed Limit
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the...
Hilarious Best Comedy Animal Joke: Bear, Rabbit & Magical Frog
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole. The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two...
Hilarious Best Dirty Mind Joke Of The Day: Two Nuns & A Man
There were Two Nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical....
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher...
Best Hilarious Adam, Eve & God Joke: Why Women Are Stupid?
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Adam: Lord, her skin...
Hilarious Best Psychiatrists Joke Of The Day: Doctors Meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some...
Hilarious Husband Wife Clean Joke Of The Day: Bank Robbery
A man walks into a Bank, gets in line, and when it was his turn he pulls out a gun ... and robs the Bank! ... But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line: "Did you see me rob this Bank?" The customer replies ..... "YES" The bank robber raises his gun POINTS IT...
Hilarious Best Drunkard Joke Of The Day: The Talking Clock
Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. "What's that gong for?" the friend asks him. "It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock." "How does it work?" The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering...
Best Hilarious Housewife Joke Of The Day: Bad Day & Phone Call
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had...
Best Hilarious Pregnancy Humor Every Women Must Read: The Washcloth
This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this! This is a real incident, and no its not me so ignore the I's and me's. I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's...
Hilarious Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Coats Business
Jacob was in coats business, but unfortunately business was very bad. One day his partner James said to him, "What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They're last year's style and even though we've knocked them down to $100 each, we still can't sell any." Jacob replied, "Use your head, James. Price them at $200 and send 10 of...
Best Marriage Humor: A Man and A Woman Sleeping in Train
A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am,...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Dad, Baby & Cup Of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little "tea set" as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought...
Hilarious Old Man VS Young Man Best Joke: The Generation Gap
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game,.. took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. "You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one!" the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people...
Best Hilarious Clean Farmer Joke Of The Day: I Am Just Fine
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite donkey...
Hilarious New Joke Of The Day: Who is Doctor's Best Patient?
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside...
Hilarious Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Blind Man & Land Lady
A handsome blind person was allowed to stay as a paying guest by a lonely land lady. Being blind, he was considered as harmless creature free to move any where in the house. Once he comes back to house from out side. The moment he enters the house he starts shouting happily and searching the land lady in the house. He is asks...
Best Hilarious Famous Doctor VS Car Mechanic Joke: Marvelous Answer
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop,.. who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a...
Best Hilarious Bad Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Mosasa Sperm
Out of a bunch of millions of sperms, there was this one sperm named Mosasa. Mosasa was always trying to keep his fitness, jogging, lifting weights, and even swimming. And when his friends asked him why was he doing these things he said,.. "only one of us will meet the egg and make a baby, and I want to be that one...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Smart Engineer Vs Doctor
An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000." One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please...
Best Joke Of The Day: Lawyer Versus The Naughty Little Boy
A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, "Hello." Lawyer: "Is your mommy there?" Boy: (whisper) "Yes." Lawyer: "Can I speak with her?" Boy: (whisper) "She's busy." Lawyer: "Is your daddy there?" Boy: (whisper) "Yes." Lawyer: "Can I speak with him?" Boy: (whisper) "He's busy." Lawyer: "Is there anyone else there?" Boy: (whisper) "The fire department." Lawyer: "Can I talk...
Hilarious Joke: Businessman Impregnanted His Italian Mistress
A businessman has been having an affair with a passionate Italian woman for the past two years. One day, she tells him that she's pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he says he will pay her a sum of money if she returns to Italy and raises the child in secret. He promises to provide for the child...