Friday, February 15, 2019
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Simple Husband Wife Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time
A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,.. so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her...
Hilarious Silly Old Man Vs Young Man Clean Joke: Time Please
Young Man: "Sir, may I know the time, please?" Old Man: "Certainly not." Young Man: "Sir, but why? What are you going to lose, if you tell me the time?" Old Man: "Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time." Young Man: "But Sir, can you tell me how?" Old Man: "See, if I tell you the time you will definitely...
Little Johnny Vs Sunday School Teacher Joke: Making Bad Faces
Finding one of her student Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground,.. Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, * * * * * * * * * * "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't...
Hilarious Good Clean Marriage Humor Joke: Most Damaging Food?
Joke Title: What is the most damaging food? A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here,... Years ago, Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous,... And none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the...
Best & Hilarious: Clean Light Short English Jokes Collection
Lady : Is this my train? Station Master : No, it belongs to the Government. Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Manchester. Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the...
Hilarious Clean Animal Joke Of The Day: Talking Parrot For Sale
A man went to an auction and bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher. Finally, he won the bid. As he was paying, he said to the Auctioneer, "I surely hope such a costly parrot can talk. "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, * * * * * * * * * * "He can talk. Who do you think...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Elderly Women & Speed Limit
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the...
Clean Good Husband Wife Joke: 22 Years Of Fantastic Marriage
John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! * * * * * * * * She only does it...
Grandpa & Grandma Cute Joke Of The Day: Good Old Days
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day to make it,.. "yesterday once more". They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young. The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of...
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Joke: Why Men Wear Ear Rings?
I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer. A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you...
Hilarious Humor Hospital Best Short Jokes: Doctor VS Patient
Peter called his doctor's office for an appointment. "I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment." Patient: "Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." Nurse: "Have you seen a doctor?" Patient: "No, just spots." Question: Does an apple...
Clean & Simple Husband Wife Humor Joke: Mailman's Serene Knocking
A woman came storming at the Postal counter. She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, "This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?" The Post master was polite and...
Clean Simple Husband Wife Joke On Marriage: Influence Of Anesthesia
In a recovery room a man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery. His wife was sitting by his side holding his hand. His eyelids just opened for a few seconds. He looked at his wife as if he was returning from out of body experience, hallowed by bright white light. With a broken smile and in a groggy voice he mumbled...
Best Hilarious Clean Office Joke: Always Allow Boss To Speak First
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each." So the eager senior manager shouted:, "I want...
Hilarious Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny Called Daddy
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son Little Johnny to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Little Johnny had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that...
Hilarious Short Marriage Humor Joke Of The Day: Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain ?" said the counselor, * * * * * * * * "You re still...
Hilarious Innocent Birthday Gift Joke: Confessions Of Little Johnny
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he...
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Joke: How To Become A Dad?
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs." I...
Hilarious Stupid Joke Of The Day: Blonde & Horseback Riding
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first...
Best Hilarious Adam, Eve & God Joke: Why Women Are Stupid?
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Adam: Lord, her skin...
Hilarious Best Psychiatrists Joke Of The Day: Doctors Meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some...
Hilarious Clean Religious Joke Of The Day: Daddy's Scribbles
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, * * * * * * * * "I...
Best Clean Husband Wife Joke Of All Time: Success Of Marriage
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband...
Hilarious Husband Wife Clean Joke Of The Day: Bank Robbery
A man walks into a Bank, gets in line, and when it was his turn he pulls out a gun ... and robs the Bank! ... But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line: "Did you see me rob this Bank?" The customer replies ..... "YES" The bank robber raises his gun POINTS IT...
Hilarious Good Family Joke Of The Day: High Telephone Bill
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mom: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use...
Hilarious Old Woman Clean Joke Of The Day: The Fourth Marriage
An 80 year old lady was being interviewed by the local news station because she had just gotten married - for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80,.. and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her...
Hilarious Short Clean Joke Of The Day: Blonde Walking Her Dogs
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says "oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?" The blonde replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex." The man responds "Huh.. that's interesting.. why did you name them such names?" The blonde sighs and shakes her head. "Everyone keeps asking me the...