Tuesday, October 22, 2019
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Tag: Clean Jokes

Hilarious Dark Joke: Lawyer's Funeral And His Loyal Clients
A man is at his lawyer's funeral,.. and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." * * * * * "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Joke Of The Day: Son & Mothers Talking Parrot Reading Bible Gift
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar...
Clean Old Age Humor Joke: Angry Wife & Her Husband's Hearing New Aid
Working at the post office... I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. ... I'll have you know, my husband...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Smart Engineer Vs Doctor
An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000." One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please...
Best Joke Of The Day: Lawyer Versus The Naughty Little Boy
A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, "Hello." Lawyer: "Is your mommy there?" Boy: (whisper) "Yes." Lawyer: "Can I speak with her?" Boy: (whisper) "She's busy." Lawyer: "Is your daddy there?" Boy: (whisper) "Yes." Lawyer: "Can I speak with him?" Boy: (whisper) "He's busy." Lawyer: "Is there anyone else there?" Boy: (whisper) "The fire department." Lawyer: "Can I talk...
Dumb Joke Of The Day: Who Are the Smartest People in the World?
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Women Will Be Women
One Day A 54 year old lady had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital. While on the operation, she had a near death experience. On that Time, Seeing God she asked, "Is my Life Completed?" God replied, "No, you have another 34 years to live." Upon Heart Recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a Face-Lift,...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Never Lie To A Smart Wife / Woman
One day, the husband called his wife, and asked: "Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: The Best Husband In The World
A cellphone starts ringing in the locker room of a gym. A man, fresh out of the shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, answers. The other people in the locker room listen out of curiosity. "Hello?" "A women's voice answers, "Hi babe, it's me. Are you at the gym?" "Yep." "So I'm just doing a little shopping and found this amazing...
Joke Of The Day: Widow's Brilliant Revenge Is Ingenious
There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money. He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. One day, the man fell ill. He was told by the doctors that he didn't have long to live. After finding out, the first thing he told...
Hilarious Joke: Two Misbehaving Boys Was Sent To A Preacher
Jimmy and Matty, ages 8 and 4, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but...
Hilarious Family Joke: Woman Tried To Impress Guests At Dinner
A family was having some neighbors over for a dinner party. Everything was going swimmingly. Annabelle and her family were charming and fun, the guests were entertained, the appetizers were delicious. Even the house was spotless. Finally, the time came for everyone to gather at the dinner table for the promised meal. At the table, Annabelle turned to Lizzie, her six-year-old daughter, and in...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Cowboy Gets To Heaven For Best Deed
A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Atheist Argument With Old Lady Neighbor
There was a little old lady who was very spiritual, who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell "Praise the Lord!" One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month or so of her yelling "Praise the Lord" from...
Hilarious Clean Joke: A Husband And Blonde Wife At Breakfast
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and his blonde wife in Newcastle were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." So the good blonde wife went...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Husband Goes Police Station To Report Missing Wife
Husband went to the police station to report that his wife was missing... Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. About five-feet four. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Colour of eyes? Husband: Never really noticed, brown or green. Sergeant: Colour of hair? Husband: Changes a...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Old Arab In New York And His Smart Son
A 60 year old Arab man lived in New York. He loved to plant potatoes in his garden. But he was alone, old and weak. His son was in jail, so the old man sent him a letter. He explained his problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I'm sure if you were here, you would...
Hilarious Husband Humor: Why Running Away From a Cop?
A man in his mid-forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind...
Hilarious Joke: Students Try To Lie Their Way Out Of Missing A Final, But Their Teacher's Solution Is Perfect
Four friends were so confident that the weekend before final exams, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to college until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final exam then, exhausted and unprepared, they decided to wait until...
Hilarious Joke: Grandma Gets Called To Court – What She Reveals On The Witness Stand Shocks Everyone
In a court trial in a small town in Nebraska, the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand. He walked up to her and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?" She answered, "Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley. I've known you since you were a little boy, and honestly, you're a disappointment. You...
Best Joke: A Woman Was Out Golfing Found Magical Frog
A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that...
Funny Short Joke: A Man On Mount Sinai Speaking To God
A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." The man then asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." He perks up and asks, "So, can I have a penny?" Lord replies, . . . . . . . . . "In...
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello." "Is your Daddy home?" he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised and wanting to talk...
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate...
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies. He soon writes home to his father. Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many...
An Irishman walks into a bar in London, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it," the bartender tells him, "and it would...
A husband and wife were walking down a high street when the wife spots a beautiful diamond necklace in a jewelry store window. She urges her husband to go inside so that she can take a look at it. Although she wants it, he simply doesn’t have to buy it for her, but he promises that it’ll be hers one day. A...