Thursday, January 24, 2019
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Tag: Dark Jokes

Hilarious Dirty Surprise Joke Of The Day: After Love Who Is He?
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over,... was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at...
Best Hilarious Old Man Marriage Joke Of The Day: The Old Motor
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Trusted Friend & Wrong Key
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not...
Most Hilarious Dirty Non Veg Army Joke Of The Day: Heriditary
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our...
Bad Hilarious Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Men Will Try Everything
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan. Realising he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a robot vending machine that should serve your...
Hilarious New Joke Of The Day: Who is Doctor's Best Patient?
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside...
Hilarious Non Veg Bad Dirty Joke: Three Friends in Jungle & Fruit Of Labour
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came...
Hilarious Dark Humor Joke Of The Day: Kind Lawyer & Poor Family
One afternoon a Lawyer was driving home,... when he saw a man eating grass by the side of the road "Why are doing that?" the lawyer asked. "I don't have any money for food" the man replied. "Oh, then you must come with me". "But, Sir, I have a wife and five children." "They are all welcome". So the family got in the lawyer's car and...
Hilarious Animals Non Veg Long Dirty Joke: How's Your Day Been Ducks?
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They...
Hilarious Politician Joke Of The Day: Cannibal Restaurant Menu
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Tourist: $5 Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the Politician?" * * * * * * * * * The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean...
Bad Joke Of The Day: Couple Were Waiting Their 16 Year Old Son
A couple were sitting up waiting for their 16 year old son to come home from a social engagement,.. when the boy came into the house with a big smile on his face. "Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad! he said breathlessly,.. "Guess what! I've just had sex for the first time, and it was wonderful!" His mother turned red and said to her husband,.. "He's...
Hilarious Bad Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Defective Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says...
Hilarious Government Job Dirty Joke: Canada Post Employment
A guy goes to Canada Post to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?" He says "Yes, just caffeine." "Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks. "Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for two years." The interviewer says "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment here." He then asks, "Are you disabled in...
Best Hilarious Dark Non Veg Dirty Army Joke: Bonus Payments
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The...
Best Hilarious Bad Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Mosasa Sperm
Out of a bunch of millions of sperms, there was this one sperm named Mosasa. Mosasa was always trying to keep his fitness, jogging, lifting weights, and even swimming. And when his friends asked him why was he doing these things he said,.. "only one of us will meet the egg and make a baby, and I want to be that one...
Hilarious Bad Joke: Little Girl & Father's Sudden Bizarre Knowledge
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working and asks him,... "Daddy what's sex?" Her father sits her down and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erection, wet-dreams... and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Friends Advice On Vacation Every Year
Two Rednecks, Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then two years...
Hilarious Dark Joke: Lawyer's Funeral And His Loyal Clients
A man is at his lawyer's funeral,.. and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." * * * * * "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: Young Man Asked Doctor For Virginity Test
A young man was planning to get married,.. and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, "Well, you need three things,.. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel.." The man was astonished and asked, "So what do I do with these?" The doctor replied: "Before the wedding night,.. you paint...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Effiecency Of The Restaurant Staff
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization. Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant,... and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Perception of Husband & Wife
Two women are chatting in office. Woman 1: I had $ex last night, did you? Woman 2: Yes. Woman 1: Was it good? Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having $ex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was...
Hilarious Joke: Poor Jewish Man And His Good Deeds For Heaven
A very good and pious Jew, Samuel Goldberg, man dies and immediately goes to heaven. The angel at the gate greets him and tells him that he can't admit him to heaven. When Mr. Goldberg asks why, the angel replies, "Well, this is a little embarrassing. You see, as I look at your record, for all intents and purposes, you have no...
Hilarious Indian Management Joke Of The Day: Ravan & Pappu
Once Pappu started praying to Ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very happy from the bhakti of Pappu. Then Ravan decides to give 3 vardans to Pappu. RAVAN: Say vatsa! What you want? PAPPU: I want 100 vardans. RAVAN: But I can give you only 3 vardans. PAPPU: But I want 100 vardans. RAVAN: No child that's not possible. PAPPU: No I want 100 means...
Hilarious Joke: Husband Demands A Divorce In Letter To Wife
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife: Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today &...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Smart Engineer Vs Doctor
An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000." One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please...
Dumb Hilarious Joke: Blonde Pilot Emergency Landing Dialog
A young blonde pilot is beginning flying lessons and is in a two-seater airplane with just the instructor pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. The frantic young blonde pilot calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. I'm just...
Joke Of The Day: Doctor's Advice Gets Old Woman in Big Trouble
An elderly lady went to the doctor and asked for his help in reviving her husband's passion. "Why don't you give him Vi*gra?" the doctor asked. "Oh, no," the woman replied. "He doesn't even take aspirin for a headache!" "That's not a problem," the doctor told her. "Just crush up the pill and slip it into his coffee. He'll never even know." Several days later,...