Tuesday, August 6, 2019
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Tag: Dark Jokes

Hilarious Dirty Husband Wife Best Joke: No More Bad Headaches?
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,... "I do not Have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not...
Hilarious Dirty Parrots Joke Of The Day: Who Needs Prayers?
Joke Title: Who Needs Prayers? A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my...
Hilarious Best Dark Comedy Joke Of The Day: This Is The Maid
Joke Title: This Is The Maid A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the woman. "We don't have a maid," says the man. The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house." The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" The woman replies,... "She is upstairs in...
Hilarious Dirty Lawyer Best Joke Of The Day: Certain Things In Life
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Valerie," the man replied. "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply. Just...
Hilarious Best Friendship Joke Of The Day: Honesty is Best Policy
Jack decided to go skiing with his best friend buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and...
Hilarious Comedy Elderly Joke Of The Day: 3 Old Age Guys
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing' comes...
Hilarious Dirty Party Joke Of The Day: Bad Night Game Who Am I?
One Monday morning a guy was in the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Billy the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Billy, looks like you guys had a hell of a party...
Hilarious Shitty Bad Joke Of The Day: Bar Time With Best Friends
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house. George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!" So after begging his old lady...
Hilarious Best Dirty Joke: Blind Man Walks Into A Restaurant
Joke Title: Smell Recognition A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Priest Vs Little Boy's Confession
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man...
Hilarious Good Comedy Old Biker Joke Of The Day: Hand Job
A crusty old age biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $1000 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers. "Yes?"...
Hilarious Non Veg Bad Dirty Joke: Three Friends in Jungle & Fruit Of Labour
Three friends who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came...
Dirty Joke Of The Day: Two Women Were Playing Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began...
Hilarious Bar Joke Of The Day: A Smart Guy VS Old Drunkard
Joke Title: How Old Am I? A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference." The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is...
Hilarious Husband Wife Bad Joke Of The Day: Fishing Surprise
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly,... made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck,... and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Trusted Friend & Wrong Key
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not...
Best Dirty Joke Of The Day: World's Most Embarrassing Moments
There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life" the finale had the following three incidents... Third Place "It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we...
Hilariously Best Dirty Short Joke Of The Day: Force Feeding
George has an operation on his neck, so he has to be force-fed through his ass. At mealtime, the nurse rolls in a big feeding machine, attaches one end of a tube to the machine, and shoves the other end far up George's ass. After a few days of the force-feeding, George says, "Hey, nurse, have you got another one of those...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Charlie Vs Priest At Church
Joke Title: Trading Place Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again...
Hilarious Dirty Husband Wife Joke: New Lie Detector Robot
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie...
Hilarious Non Veg Blonde Dirty Joke Of The Day: Exotic Pet Frog Rehearsal
A blonde, June, goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions. The girl, June, excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll TAKE...
Hilarious Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because...
Hilariously Dirty Bad Joke Of The Day: Shitty Cheating
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!" "Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely. "See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband...
Best Dirty Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day was quickly approaching and Little Johnny was anxious to receive and give Valentine cards during his classroom party,.. Mainly because there were two girls he was particularly very fond of. The rest of his class received the usual "store bought" cheap Valentines that read cutesy "Be Mines",.. But he took special care and time in hand-making two special cards for...
Hilarious Best Joke For Today: Little Johnny & Teacher's Famous Quotes
It was the end of the school day and all of the kids were anxious to go home. The teacher told the kids, "As soon as you can name the speaker of a famous quote you may leave. O.K,... Who said four score and seven years ago?" Johnny lifts his hand in excitement. "Yes, Johnny?" But before he could answer, Lucy jumped in and said...
Hilarious Long Naughty Story Joke: Cinderella is Now 95 Years Old
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived...
Young Boy Vs Farmer Neighbour Bad Joke: Is Your Dad Home?
A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door. "Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked. "Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"? "No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad." "How...