Thursday, October 31, 2019
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Hilariously Best Women Joke Of The Day: New Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,... Where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch... You...
Hilarious Marriage Joke Of The Day: Best Husband In The World
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H - Husband, W - Wife) H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Good Naughty Humor: Married Woman's Ultimate Fantasy In Three Words
A woman (mom) was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered. He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not...
Good Husband Wife Comedy Joke Of The Day: Hearing Problem
An elderly man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about...
Hilarious Best Friendship Joke Of The Day: Honesty is Best Policy
Jack decided to go skiing with his best friend buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and...
Hilarious Dirty Party Joke Of The Day: Bad Night Game Who Am I?
One Monday morning a guy was in the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Billy the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Billy, looks like you guys had a hell of a party...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Elderly Women & Speed Limit
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the...
Hilarious Shitty Bad Joke Of The Day: Bar Time With Best Friends
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house. George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!" So after begging his old lady...
Hilarious Best Dirty Joke: Blind Man Walks Into A Restaurant
Joke Title: Smell Recognition A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little...
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Joke: How To Become A Dad?
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs." I...
Best Hilarious Pregnancy Humor Every Women Must Read: The Washcloth
Joke Title: The Washcloth This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this! This is a real incident, and no its not me so ignore the I's and me's. I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call...
Hilarious Good Comedy Old Biker Joke Of The Day: Hand Job
A crusty old age biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $1000 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers. "Yes?"...
Dirty Joke Of The Day: Two Women Were Playing Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began...
Hilarious Short Naughty Joke: 80 Year Old Man In Confession
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. and,... Both of them with. Twice." The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were...
Hilarious Madam Vs Maid Bad Naughty Joke: Good Pay Raise
The Maid asked for a pay raise. Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?" Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "The Master said so." Madam: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I...
Hilarious Husband Wife Bad Joke Of The Day: Fishing Surprise
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly,... made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck,... and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher...
Hilarious Best Religious Joke Of The Day: Priest VS Taxi Driver
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. "Come with me", said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool. "Wow, thank...
Best Hilarious Housewife Joke Of The Day: Bad Day & Phone Call
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had...
Best Hilarious Adam, Eve & God Joke: Why Women Are Stupid?
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Adam: Lord, her skin...
Hilarious Dirty Husband Wife Joke: New Lie Detector Robot
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie...
Hilarious Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because...
Best Dirty Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day was quickly approaching and Little Johnny was anxious to receive and give Valentine cards during his classroom party,.. Mainly because there were two girls he was particularly very fond of. The rest of his class received the usual "store bought" cheap Valentines that read cutesy "Be Mines",.. But he took special care and time in hand-making two special cards for...
Little Johnny Vs Sunday School Teacher Joke: Making Bad Faces
Finding one of her student Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground,.. Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, * * * * * * * * * * "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't...
Hilarious Husband Wife: Mix Short Humorous Jokes On Marriage
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep." A man walks into his bedroom and...
Hilarious Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Best Mediclaim Couple
A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50/-. This happened several weeks in a...
Hilarious Best Marriage Humor Of The Day: Mid Life Crises Solved
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde." "Now we have a nice house, nice car,...