Tag: Funniest Joke Ever
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,...
Where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch...
You...
Jack decided to go skiing with his best friend buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and...
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town.
Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:
"Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there,...
you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you.
You must find a man that is 'faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'."
With this advice from her...
Joke Title: The Washcloth
This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!
This is a real incident, and no its not me so ignore the I's and me's.
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call...
The Maid asked for a pay raise.
Madam was very upset about this and asked:
"Now Maria, why do you want an increase?"
Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."
Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "The Master said so."
Madam: "Oh."
Maria: "The second reason is that I...
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher...
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God.
Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her.
Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin...
A young man strides into a chemist and asks for a packet of condoms.
The pharmacist replies: "They come in packs of three, nine, or 12. Which would you like?"
"Well," the young man begins confidently,
"I've been seeing this girl and she's really hot.
I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night.
We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're...
Valentine's Day was quickly approaching and Little Johnny was anxious to receive and give Valentine cards during his classroom party,..
Mainly because there were two girls he was particularly very fond of.
The rest of his class received the usual "store bought" cheap Valentines that read cutesy "Be Mines",..
But he took special care and time in hand-making two special cards for...
A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex.
When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex,
So he said he had discussed "Horseback Riding" with the members.
A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,...
and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.
She said:,
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"Yes, I...
Finding one of her student Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground,..
Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said,
"Johnny, when I was a child,
I was told if that I made ugly faces,
it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied,
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"Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't...
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.
After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,
"This is amazing. How do you do it...
Joke Title: Twenty Dollars
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years,..
with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and...
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.
The other day when she went horseback riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control.
She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup.
When this happened, she fell head first...
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little "tea set" as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought...
There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil got pregnant!!
Which Male pencil is responsible?
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ANSWER: THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!
"YES".. "OK, BYE".
She turns to her lover and says,
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"THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU."
Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo...
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.
"Doctor," the man said,
"I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said.
"Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the...
The Grandmother of a just got married grandson phoned that he was coming to present his beautiful lovely wife to grandma.
The delighted Grandma started giving instructions how to come to their high rise colony retirement Apartment.
She started blabbering,
"When you come to the front door of the apartment building inside vestibule,
My son there is a push button, push it with...
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out.
They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others
"I think the best way to call for help is...
When Fred found out he was going to inherit a fortune,...
when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said
as...
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said,
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $50,00,000 you give not a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give...
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied,
"The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying.
"But, mama, as soon as we returned he started using the most horrible language...
things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter...
Joke title: Don't Complicate Issues My Friend
This particular joke won the award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see...
Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been best friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day.
One day Betty said,..
"Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school.
Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know...
A photographer, who was also a confirmed atheist,..
Decided to go into the woods to capture photos of the fall foliage.
It was a beautiful day: fall colors, birds chirping, a babbling brook,...
And a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.
While snapping shots, the photographer heard a noise behind him,...
And whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes.
He dropped his...
Three drunken guys entered a taxi after a heavy night of drinking.
Immediately realizing that the men were inebriated,...
Cab driver quickly thought up a plan to get rid of them.
He started the engine, turned it off again and said:
"We have reached your destination".
"Alright pal, here you go,"
Said the first guy as he gave him the money.
The second guy thanked him...
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed,...
When the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.
Then they heard voices.
Three men had broken into the greenhouse.
Scared, they called the police.
The dispatcher replied,...
He would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls.
The old man...
