Thursday, January 24, 2019
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Tag: Good Clean Jokes

Clean Hilarious Smart Father Joke Of The Day: Think Positive
This is Awesome, One smart father goes to his son. Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice" Son: "I will choose my own bride!" Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son: "Well, in that case...ok" Next - Father approaches Bill Gates. Father: "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Father: "But...
Best Hilarious Clean Farmer Joke Of The Day: I Am Just Fine
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite donkey...
Clean Hilarious Joke: God's Professional Help To A Good Woman
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told...
Clean Old Age Humor Joke: Angry Wife & Her Husband's Hearing New Aid
Working at the post office... I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. ... I'll have you know, my husband...
Hilarious Joke: The World's Most Expensive Memorial Stone
A man named Bill died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Ah well, Bill would be pleased," she said. "You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "So go on,...
Hilarious Family Joke: Woman Tried To Impress Guests At Dinner
A family was having some neighbors over for a dinner party. Everything was going swimmingly. Annabelle and her family were charming and fun, the guests were entertained, the appetizers were delicious. Even the house was spotless. Finally, the time came for everyone to gather at the dinner table for the promised meal. At the table, Annabelle turned to Lizzie, her six-year-old daughter, and in...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Cowboy Gets To Heaven For Best Deed
A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Atheist Argument With Old Lady Neighbor
There was a little old lady who was very spiritual, who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell "Praise the Lord!" One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month or so of her yelling "Praise the Lord" from...
Hilarious Clean Joke: A Husband And Blonde Wife At Breakfast
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and his blonde wife in Newcastle were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." So the good blonde wife went...
Hilarious Clean Joke: Husband Goes Police Station To Report Missing Wife
Husband went to the police station to report that his wife was missing... Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. About five-feet four. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Colour of eyes? Husband: Never really noticed, brown or green. Sergeant: Colour of hair? Husband: Changes a...
Hilarious Joke: Students Try To Lie Their Way Out Of Missing A Final, But Their Teacher's Solution Is Perfect
Four friends were so confident that the weekend before final exams, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to college until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final exam then, exhausted and unprepared, they decided to wait until...
Clean Funny Old Age Joke: Two Elderly People In a Trailer Park
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few...
Funny Animal Joke: Woman Gets Terrible News From Her Pet Duck's Vet
A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am...
Archie was told that a twin-engine plane would be waiting at the airport. Arriving at the airport he spotted a plane warming up outside the hanger. He jumped in, said "Let's go." The pilot taxied and took off. Once in the air, Archie told the pilot: "Fly low over the valley so I can take pictures of the fire on the hill." "Why?" the...
Hilarious Joke: A Good Bar Joke That Always Makes Women Laugh
Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water...
Stupid Joke: Blonde Walks Into A Doctors Office
Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what's the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" . . . . . . . . . . . The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Hilarious Cat Joke: Please Lord, Make Me Comfortable Here In Heaven
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask." The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors." God says, "Say no more." And...
Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I...
An Elderly couple... sitting down watching television when the commercials come on, the husband smiles at his wife and says, "I would love some ice cream right now." His wife says, "me too! What do you want, I'll go get it." Husband: "I'd like to have 2 scoops of vanilla with chocolate and caramel syrup whipped cream and a cherry on top. Wait, let me write...
A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh,...
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, saw his wife and growled: "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after...
Here are some words of advice and comfort for all you ladies out there. Get ready to do what you do best: laugh your heart out! Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon - they should...
Funny Dumb Husband Joke: This Man Doesn't Know What to Make of His Wife's Request
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. "I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice...