Friday, May 24, 2019
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Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Elderly Women & Speed Limit
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the...
Hilarious Good Comedy Old Biker Joke Of The Day: Hand Job
A crusty old age biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $1000 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers. "Yes?"...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny & Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher...
Hilarious Best Psychiatrists Joke Of The Day: Doctors Meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some...
Hilarious Naughty Marriage Joke Of The Day: New Husband
In a small town in the old country the Rabbi died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again. But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Dad, Baby & Cup Of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little "tea set" as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought...
Best & Hilarious Office Recruitment Joke: Human Resources Manager v/s St. Peter
Joke Title: HR Processes One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see,...
Hilarious Best Drunkard Joke Of The Day: The Talking Clock
One late night after bar time a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. "What's that gong for?" the friend asks him. "It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock." "How does it work?" The guys picks up a hammer, gives the...
Clean Hilarious Smart Father Joke Of The Day: Think Positive
This is Awesome, One smart father goes to his son. Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice" Son: "I will choose my own bride!" Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son: "Well, in that case...ok" Next - Father approaches Bill Gates. Father: "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Father: "But...
Good Comedy Joke: Magician And Jealous Parrot On Cruise Ship
There was this magician who had a job on a cruise liner, entertaining the passengers with a nightly show. He was very successful in his job and there was always a full house at all his performances. Life was sweet. The money was rolling in, he had one of the best cabins, ate the best food, mixed with the best people. All was...
Top 10 Hilariously Best English Jokes Collection: Good Comedy
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" The man approached a...
Hilariously Dumb & Stupid Joke Of The Day: 3 Detectives
A policeman was testing three Dumb brothers who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well... uh......
Joke Of The Day: Old Lady Asked Her Best Friend For A Favor
Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been best friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day. One day Betty said,.. "Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know...
Hilarious Office Joke: Man Accidentally Angers A Genie
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later,... A genie popped out of the lamp, But the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp. Reluctantly, the genie said,... "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However...
Hilarious Joke: Sixteen Year-Old Boy & New Chevrolet Avalanche
A sixteen year-old teenager boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche, And his parents began to yell and scream,... "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" Demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. "Well," said the boy, "This one cost me just fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a...
Hilarious Technology Joke Of The Day: Customer Care In 2050
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy, The Best Pizzas in this Earth. May I have your..." Customer: "Hello, can I order?" Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh..., hold... ...on... 889861356102049 998-45-54610" Operator: "OK... you're... Mr. Gomez and you're calling from 143 Bangkal St, Sky View Apt, Makati, 80th floor... Your home number is 8094! 2366,...
Hilarious Comedy Joke: The Most Unusual Funeral Procession
A man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso,... When he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200...
Joke Of The Day: A Woman Awakes In The Middle Of The Night
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Old Office Looks Just the Same... Oh Wait
A middle-aged male college professor receives a knock on the door of his office on campus. After fumbling about for a few moments, he opens the door to find an old man, Who greets him with a big smile and says: "May I come in? I worked in this very room thirty years ago when I was a professor at this college." "Sure!"...
Hilarious Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Coats Business
Jacob was in coats business, but unfortunately business was very bad. One day his partner James said to him, "What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They're last year's style and even though we've knocked them down to $100 each, we still can't sell any." Jacob replied, "Use your head, James. Price them at $200 and send 10 of...
Hilarious Clean Animal Joke Of The Day: Talking Parrot For Sale
A man went to an auction and bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher. Finally, he won the bid. As he was paying, he said to the Auctioneer, "I surely hope such a costly parrot can talk." "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, * * * * * * * * * * "He can talk. Who do you think...
Hilarious Bad Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Defective Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says...
Hilarious Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Blind Man & Land Lady
A handsome blind person was allowed to stay as a paying guest by a lonely land lady. Being blind, he was considered as harmless creature free to move any where in the house. Once he comes back to house from out side. The moment he enters the house he starts shouting happily and searching the land lady in the house. He is asks...
Best Hilarious Famous Doctor VS Car Mechanic Joke: Marvelous Answer
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop,.. who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a...
Hilarious Innocent Jokes For Kids: Pastor Ask Boys Where is God?
There were two young brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a pastor nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to her husband that she would ask the pastor...
Clean Hilarious Joke: God's Professional Help To A Good Woman
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told...
Hilarious Husband & Wife Joke: Smart Silent Treatment Winner
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at home,.. and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, He finally wrote on a piece of paper...