Monday, April 22, 2019
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Short, Hilarious And Good: The Best Funniest One liner Jokes
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" Wife: "I couldn't lift the table." "What did one ghost say to another?" "Do you believe in people?" My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. "Room Service? Can...
Best Light Weight New Funny Jokes In English: Latest Good Humor
Rocket to Moon On the first night of honeymoon the wife crazy husband says, "My sweet darling, I am going to take you to moon tonight." The impatient wife says, "Sure, but first at least let's see the rocket to get there." Period of Patience Dad went to school for getting the report card for his son in the middle of the class and had...
Have A Good Laugh With These Best Short Clean Hilarious Jokes
LIFE AFTER DEATH: "Do you believe in life after death?" The boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," The boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!" SUPPORT A FAMILY: The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well,...
Few Clean & Short Good Humor Jokes: Best English Comedy
Wonderful coffee Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today. Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today. Doctor's promise "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a...
Best Comedy Clean Innocent Joke: Two Good Children In A Clinic
Joke Title: Two Tests Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly. 2nd Child: Why are you crying? 1st Child: I came here for blood test. 2nd Child: So? Are you afraid? 1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger. At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished. 1st Child: Why are you...
Short & Hilarious: Best Doctor Jokes Collection To Laugh Today
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your...
Hilarious Lame Short Joke Of The Day: How To Make 50 People Fool
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people fooled! Fifty people fooled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being fooled." The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, * * * * * * * * * "Read all about it. Fifty-one people...
Comedy Husband Wife Short Joke: Good Compliment
A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out of shape. Pay me a compliment." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Little Johnny v/s Maths Teacher Joke: New Generation Student
Math Teacher: Johnny, Tell me, If you have 12 chocolates and,... You give 5 to Sophia, 3 to Emma and, 4 to Isabella, Then what will you get? Little Johnny says: * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "3 New Girlfriends Mam...!!!"
Little Johnny v/s School Teachers & Parents: Hilarious Clean Jokes
Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny: Seven! Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny: Seven! Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples...
Women Humor: The Last Laugh Is Reserved For The Ladies
Here are some words of advice and comfort for all you ladies out there. Get ready to do what you do best: laugh your heart out! Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon - they should be...
Hilariously Clean Marriage Humor Short Joke: Smart Widow
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked: "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, Your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" She answered: * * * * * * * * "I started talking about my next husband."
Hilariously Clean Short Marriage Humor Joke: Nail Biting Habit
Two women friends are chatting about their family and husbands. Women 1 : I am very frustrated and worried about my husbands nail biting habit. I tried lot of things that he should stop biting nails. Women 2 : Oh that's simple, even my husband have that habit of nail biting. I only did one work and that's it. No more nail biting. Women...
Good Clean Joke For Kids: 2 Twins Changing Their Name
There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends...
Short Best Relationship Jokes: Hilariously Good Marriage Humor
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her...
Clean & Short Family Jokes Collection: Quick Laugh For 5 Minutes
Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past. Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history. Teacher: Why? Student: There is no future in it. Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted: $10. Teacher: You don't know maths. Ted: You...
Hilarious Mom v/s Son Clean Short Joke: Moral Lesson For Kids
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait'". Kevin turned to his younger brother & said, * * * * * * * * * * "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Hilarious Judge Vs School Teacher Clean Joke: Lifelong Ambition
Joke Title: One Happy Judge A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said: "So you're a schoolteacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at...
Best & Hilarious: Clean Light Short English Jokes Collection
Lady : Is this my train? Station Master : No, it belongs to the Government. Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Manchester. Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the...
Hilarious Clean Animal Joke Of The Day: Talking Parrot For Sale
A man went to an auction and bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher. Finally, he won the bid. As he was paying, he said to the Auctioneer, "I surely hope such a costly parrot can talk. "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, * * * * * * * * * * "He can talk. Who do you think...
Hilarious Husband Wife Short Dirty Joke: Bad Horse Riding
A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed "Horseback Riding" with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,... and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said:, * * * * * * * * * "Yes, I...
Hilarious Short Marriage Humor Joke Of The Day: Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain ?" said the counselor, * * * * * * * * "You re still...
Hilarious Short Naughty Joke: 80 Year Old Man In Confession
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. and Both of them with. Twice." The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were...
Hilarious Good Family Joke Of The Day: High Telephone Bill
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mom: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use...
Hilarious Best Drunkard Joke Of The Day: The Talking Clock
Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. "What's that gong for?" the friend asks him. "It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock." "How does it work?" The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering...
Hilarious Short Clean Joke Of The Day: Blonde Walking Her Dogs
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says "oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?" The blonde replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex." The man responds "Huh.. that's interesting.. why did you name them such names?" The blonde sighs and shakes her head. "Everyone keeps asking me the...
Short Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Monk & Young Woman in Bus
Joke Title: Sitting For Two In a crowded bus an older Monk, asked a standing pretty young woman to sit on his lap, which woman did to avoid getting bumped to other opportunists standing around. In a short while she jumps and stands up. Anxious to help damsel in distress other passengers started watching curiously for what happened? Embarrassed Monk pleaded, "My child, please...