Thursday, January 24, 2019
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Tag: Husband Wife Jokes In English

Hilarious Naughty Joke Of The Day: Wife Likes Her Birthday Gift
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said: "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides,... she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said: "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any...
Hilarious Saucy Joke: Young Couple On Their Wedding Night
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you...
Hilarious Husband Wife Bedroom Humor Short Joke: Undressing
James is alone in the bedroom when his beautiful wife opens the door and walks in. "James," she whispers, "Take off my shirt." "James," she whispers, "Take off my bra." "James," she whispers, "Take off my skirt." "James," she whispers, "Take of my stockings." "James," she whispers, "Take off my panties." "James!" she screams, * * * * * * "Don't ever wear my fucking clothes again!"
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Short Joke: Husband & Wife At Beauty Parlor
I accompanied my wife to a parlor when she went to get a haircut. While reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle quite nice,... and I just asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said. (Taken Back) "But my wife is...
Hilarious Best Marriage Humor Joke Of The Day: Married Too Long
Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress,.. are chatting over lunch and the conversation turns to their relationships. They decided that night to surprise their men.. All three would wear a black leather bra and thong, stiletto heels, and a mask over their eyes. A few days later they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman said: The other night when...
Hilarious Husband Wife Marriage Humor: Telephonic Conversation
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Dianne has been quite difficult... Yes, I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable...
Hilarious Non Veg Joke: The 11th Husband And Virgin Wife
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be possible, if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to...
Hilarious Husband & Wife Joke: Smart Silent Treatment Winner
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at home,.. and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, He finally wrote on a piece of paper...
Short Humorous Joke: Drunk Husband Gets Late Night Education
Drunk Husband was brought into night court,.. having been picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night prowler. "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge sternly queried Husband. "I was going to a lecture." answered Husband "A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful. "Oh, sure," said Husband. * * * * * "Sometimes my wife stays up longer than that just to lecture me."
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Wife Teasing Husband For Cricket Match
One good morning Wife was reading a newspaper, while Husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, Wife burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a man is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the cricket stadium." "Hmmm," Husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Wife said, "Would you swap me...
Husband Wife Joke: Doctor, Woman & Green Tea Placebo Effect
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue... Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do,.. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of green tea and start swirling it in your mouth. Don't drink it,...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Perception of Husband & Wife
Two women are chatting in office. Woman 1: I had $ex last night, did you? Woman 2: Yes. Woman 1: Was it good? Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having $ex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was...
Hilarious Joke: Husband Demands A Divorce In Letter To Wife
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife: Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today &...
Angry Wife Joke: Lost (Pilot) Husband's Night in Secret Area 51
You may have heard of the best kept secret of the US army - the infamous area 51 in Nevada, where secret operations are conducted. It was late afternoon when Air Force spotted a Cessna airplane landing right at area 51. Perplexed, they immediately seized the pilot and dragged him into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off...
Hilarious Joke: Wife Asked Husband To Quit Drinking, Gambling And Golf
A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum...
Hilarious Dumb Joke: Stupid Husband At Bar And Cheating Wife
Paddy and his two good friends were sitting at a bar, talking about their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician," his first friend said, taking a swig of his beer. "How's that?" his other friend asked. "Well, the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed, and they weren't mine." The other men clapped...
Hilarious Joke: A Young Couple Just Married In Their Honeymoon Suite On Wedding Night
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband - who was a big burly man - tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said. "That's...
Hilarious Joke: A Doctor And His Wife Having A Big Argument
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Things in the bedroom hadn't been good for a while, so they were going at it over that. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. He began his working day, and didn't hear a peep from his wife. By mid-morning, he decided to make amends and phoned...
Hilarious Joke: Rabbi, My Wife Is Trying to Poison Me. What Should I Do?
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What"s wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I"m telling you, I"m certain she"s poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me...
Hilarious Wife Joke: Smart Lesson To A Cheating Husband
When the math professor's wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband: "My dearest wife, We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer...
Funny Old Man Joke: I Need Doctor's Prescription To Sleep With My Wife
The medics rushed Mr. Sol Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell...
Husband Wife Joke: The Secret Shoebox And Crochet Dolls
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these...
Funny Revenge Story Joke - Man Left His Wife For His Secretary
After 37 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in his and his wife's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were better than his wife's, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just three days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,...
Hilarious Joke: A Good Bar Joke That Always Makes Women Laugh
Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful....
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When...
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, saw his wife and growled: "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after...