Thursday, February 21, 2019
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Best Light Weight New Funny Jokes In English: Latest Good Humor
Rocket to Moon On the first night of honeymoon the wife crazy husband says, "My sweet darling, I am going to take you to moon tonight." The impatient wife says, "Sure, but first at least let's see the rocket to get there." Period of Patience Dad went to school for getting the report card for his son in the middle of the class and had...
Hilarious Animal Joke Of The Day: Old Elephant vs Bad Little Boy
There was this guy who bought an elderly circus elephant; Alas, he couldn't afford to feed it. He'd never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000. All sorts of people...
Hilarious Best Money Joke Of The Day: Dad, Kid & Choked Coin
Joke Title: Cough It Up A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding One money coin. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a Tea...
Hilarious Good Clean Marriage Humor Joke: Most Damaging Food?
Joke Title: What is the most damaging food? A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here,... Years ago, Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous,... And none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the...
Hilarious Best Dirty Mind Joke Of The Day: Two Nuns & A Man
There were Two Nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical....
Hilarious Innocent Birthday Gift Joke: Confessions Of Little Johnny
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he...
Hilarious Student Humor Joke Of The Day: Time to Study
Hi Friends, It Is No Fault Of Student Because A Year Has Only 365 Days. Days In A Year = 365 Sundays = 52 Days Sundays Are Meant For Rest Days Left = 313 Days Summer Vacations = 60 Days Weather Is Very Hot, and its a Vacation Days Left = 253 Days 8 Hours Of Daily Sleep = 122 Days Sleep Is Necessary Days Left = 131 1 Hour Daily...
Hilarious Clean Family Joke: Mom, Dad & Little Girl's Question
Joke Title: Origin A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear? The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made." Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed." The confused girl returns to her mother and...
Clean Marriage Joke Of The Day: Wife, Beggar & Perfect Husband
Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Charlie Vs Priest At Church
Joke Title: Trading Place Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again...
Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Umbrella Thief
An elderly man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time,... and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work. On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him,... got up and started walking. The woman started yelled, "Umbrella thief, Umbrella...
Really Funny Clean Old Age Joke Of The Day: Shameless Visitor
The Grandmother of a just got married grandson phoned that he was coming to present his beautiful lovely wife to grandma. The delighted Grandma started giving instructions how to come to their high rise colony retirement Apartment. She started blabbering, "When you come to the front door of the apartment building inside vestibule, My son there is a push button, push it with...
Hilarious Clean Joke Of The Day: Young Man And Grandfather
Joke Title: Cold Water A young man went to his grandfather's place to stay for the weekend. He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance. He asked his grandfather, "Are you sure you washed it properly?" "As clean as cold water can get it." was the reply. So the young man shrugged...
Hilarious Naughty Joke Of The Day: Wife Likes Her Birthday Gift
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said: "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides,... she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said: "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any...
Hilarious Joke: Students Try To Lie Their Way Out Of Missing A Final, But Their Teacher's Solution Is Perfect
Four friends were so confident that the weekend before final exams, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to college until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final exam then, exhausted and unprepared, they decided to wait until...
Joke Of The Day: Two Marines Played A Mean Prank On An Army Soldier
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the...
Archie was told that a twin-engine plane would be waiting at the airport. Arriving at the airport he spotted a plane warming up outside the hanger. He jumped in, said "Let's go." The pilot taxied and took off. Once in the air, Archie told the pilot: "Fly low over the valley so I can take pictures of the fire on the hill." "Why?" the...
Hilarious Joke: A Good Bar Joke That Always Makes Women Laugh
Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water...
Hilarious Joke: Preparing For The Funeral
When old Mr. O'Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O'Leary called the undertaker aside for a private little talk. "Please be sure to fasten his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald," she confided, "and he'd never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. Our friends from the old country...
Hilarious Dumb Joke: Two Hunters Are In The Woods When One
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "I'm in the middle of nowhere and I think my friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First,...
Adam, a very good looking successful man decided that it was his birthright to marry only a perfect and equally beautiful woman so that they would produce equally beautiful offspring. To achieve his goal, Adam went out to explore the world and look for the woman who would meet his high standards and with whom he could spend the rest...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each present something that symbolizes Christmas if you wish to get into heaven." The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle," he said. "You may pass through...
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has...
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their...
Funny Husband Joke: A Man Stumbles Across An Old Lamp
A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office. Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes, and whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double. The man asks for his first wish. "The first thing I want is a million...