Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Hilarious Marriage Joke Of The Day: Best Husband In The World
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H - Husband, W - Wife) H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Top 10 Hilariously Best English Jokes Collection: Good Comedy
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" The man approached a...
Hilariously Good Joke: Young Woman V/S Honest Priest
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes...
Best Women Joke Of The Day: Good Genie v/s Man's Wish
Joke Title: If You Had One Wish A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish." The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and...
Joke Of The Day: Old Lady Asked Her Best Friend For A Favor
Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been best friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day. One day Betty said,.. "Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know...
Hilarious Joke: 3 Guys Go To Hell, There They Meet The Devil
Three guys go to hell,... When they get there, they meet the devil, who tells them there's a way to get to heaven. The Devil explains that behind 3 doors are tasks that they must each complete,... In whatever order they want, to go to heaven. Door 1 is a room with 10 virgin ladies, the task is to make them all orgasm...
Clean Office Joke: A Young Programmer & His Project Manager
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train,... Headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats,.. Right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other,.. Because they are giving...
Clean Family Joke: Couple Had Been Married For Over 50 Years
A couple had been married for over 50 years and had many children and grandchildren. One day, the eldest son calls his father for a normal chat and his father starts musing. "You know son, after 50 years, I'm not really in love with your mother any more,... I'm thinking of getting a divorce and leaving her." The son is absolutely shocked and...
Hilariously Best Old Age Comedy Joke: Three Elderly Sisters
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old puts her foot in the bathroom and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up...
Hilarious Clean Doctor Joke: Nurse v/s Man's Simple Operation
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" Nurse said: "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" Man Said: * * * * * * * * * * "She wasn't talking to...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Old Office Looks Just the Same... Oh Wait
A middle-aged male college professor receives a knock on the door of his office on campus. After fumbling about for a few moments, he opens the door to find an old man, Who greets him with a big smile and says: "May I come in? I worked in this very room thirty years ago when I was a professor at this college." "Sure!"...
Hilarious Joke: Air Force Guy Driving From McChord To Ft Lewis
There's an Air Force guy driving from McChord to Ft Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft Lewis to McChord. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and...
Clean Marriage Joke: Wife Isn't Happy About Unexpected Guest
With no warning and clear out of the blue,... A husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." As expected, the wife wasn't happy at being imposed upon during what she imagined to be a quiet evening. His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping,... All the...
Hilarious Jungle Joke Of The Day: Poor Bear v/s Bad Rabbit
Once, there was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree. The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!" So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females." And all the bears in the forest turned...
Hilarious Old Age Humor: Elderly Memory Problem Good Joke
Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and...
Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Smart Monkey In The Plane
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey. Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?" Monkey: "Tying their...
Best Hilarious Comedy Joke: Two Lawyers v/s Pregnant Secretary
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the...
Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Lady v/s Gentleman On Bus
Joke Title: Acquainted This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus. A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors. She tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little. She tried to step up onto the...
Hilarious Dark Joke Of The Day: Best Sniffer Dog in The Plane
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane,... When another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that...
Hilarious Bad Joke: Little Johnny v/s Teacher's Dirty Thinking
A teacher asks her class:, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies:, "The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think." Then Little Johnny says:, "I have a question for YOU Madam. There are...
Hilariously Bad Shitty Joke Of The Day: World's Fastest Thing
A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to shit so he crouches down on the grass and does his business. Just as he is finishing he sees a policeman walking towards him. He covers the shit with his hat. When the policeman arrives he asks the...
Hilarious Best Friendship Joke Of The Day: Honesty is Best Policy
Jack decided to go skiing with his best friend buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and...
Hilarious Comedy Elderly Joke Of The Day: 3 Old Age Guys
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing' comes...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Priest Vs Little Boy's Confession
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man...
Best Light Weight New Funny Jokes In English: Latest Good Humor
Rocket to Moon On the first night of honeymoon the wife crazy husband says, "My sweet darling, I am going to take you to moon tonight." The impatient wife says, "Sure, but first at least let's see the rocket to get there." Period of Patience Dad went to school for getting the report card for his son in the middle of the class and had...
Have A Good Laugh With These Best Short Clean Hilarious Jokes
LIFE AFTER DEATH: "Do you believe in life after death?" The boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," The boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!" SUPPORT A FAMILY: The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well,...
Enjoy These Best & Hilarious Bad Short Dirty Jokes: Dark Humor
There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible? * * * * * * ANSWER: THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings! "YES".. "OK, BYE". She turns to her lover and says, * * * * * * * "THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU." Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay. Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!! Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo...