Tag: Laughing Jokes

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said: "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides,... she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said: "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any...

Joke Title: Laugh... With Viagra At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil said: "Tylenol?" "Very good! And what is it used for?" "It is used for a headache." The second pupil said: "Nytol." "Excellent!" said Sister Catherine. "And what it is used...

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came...

Two Rednecks, Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then two years...

One good morning Wife was reading a newspaper, while Husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, Wife burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a man is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the cricket stadium." "Hmmm," Husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Wife said, "Would you swap me...

A woman was helping her husband set up his new computer and,... at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and would use each time he had to log on. The husband was a bit bored by the process and, feeling in a rather amorous mood, figured...

An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the...

A man named Bill died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Ah well, Bill would be pleased," she said. "You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "So go on,...

Read one funny incident from a mother's diary. My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time. One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands. The restaurant was packed. As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of something. First, I checked my...

A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of her student Johnny. One day, she asked Johnny what his problem was. He replied, "I'm too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the fourth grade, and I'm smarter than her too." The teacher took him to the principal's office and explained the situation to the principal. The principal told her...

Jimmy and Matty, ages 8 and 4, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but...

There was a little old lady who was very spiritual, who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell "Praise the Lord!" One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month or so of her yelling "Praise the Lord" from...

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came...

A man finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates to heaven. In front of them, stands a guardian angel. As the man approaches, the angel greets him and warns him it is not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Things in the bedroom hadn't been good for a while, so they were going at it over that. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. He began his working day, and didn't hear a peep from his wife. By mid-morning, he decided to make amends and phoned...

A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me...

Ron, an elderly smart man in Australia, had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond at the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been...

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing...

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices. After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price." Later in the...

A millionaire businessman is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new...

There's a double-decker bus driving down the street full of passengers – blondes and brunettes. On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing. On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic. They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as...