Wednesday, June 26, 2019
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Hilarious Best Dark Comedy Joke Of The Day: This Is The Maid
Joke Title: This Is The Maid A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the woman. "We don't have a maid," says the man. The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house." The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" The woman replies,... "She is upstairs in...
Death Of The Bad Boss: Hilarious Dark Office Joke Of The Day
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting...
Hilarious Non Veg Bad Dirty Joke: Three Friends in Jungle & Fruit Of Labour
Three friends who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came...
Dirty Joke Of The Day: Two Women Were Playing Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began...
Hilarious Bar Joke Of The Day: A Smart Guy VS Old Drunkard
Joke Title: How Old Am I? A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference." The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is...
Best Dirty Joke Of The Day: World's Most Embarrassing Moments
There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life" the finale had the following three incidents... Third Place "It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we...
Little Johnny Vs Sunday School Teacher Joke: Making Bad Faces
Finding one of her student Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground,.. Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, * * * * * * * * * * "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't...
Hilarious Best Joke For Today: Little Johnny & Teacher's Famous Quotes
It was the end of the school day and all of the kids were anxious to go home. The teacher told the kids, "As soon as you can name the speaker of a famous quote you may leave. O.K,... Who said four score and seven years ago?" Johnny lifts his hand in excitement. "Yes, Johnny?" But before he could answer, Lucy jumped in and said...
Hilarious Animal Joke Of The Day: Old Elephant vs Bad Little Boy
There was a guy who bought an elderly circus elephant; Alas, he couldn't afford to feed it. He'd never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000. All sorts of people...
Hilarious Dirty Biker Joke Of The Day: Biker In A Roadside Bar
A biker pulls up outside a roadside bar in Louisiana after a long day in the saddle. Stiffly he walks in, gets a beer and sits down. By his third, he realises some of the locals are looking at him and whispering. The biker walks out and returns a few minutes later with an alligator. He drops it on the floor, drops his...
Hilarious Best Non Veg Joke Of The Day: American Tourist & Mexican Delicacy
An american was touring Mexico. After his day's sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What was that you just served the gentleman at the next table?" The waiter replied, "Ah, senor, you...
Hilarious Non Veg Hospital Joke Of The Day: The New Age Baby
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the delight of...
Hilariously Good Non Veg Joke Of The Day: SMART TIT FOR TAT
A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, "Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?" She responds in a loud voice : "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" Everyone in the bar turns to...
Hilariously Bad Shitty Joke Of The Day: Man v/s Checkout Lady
Joke Title: Warm And Moist,... What is it? MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food. CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog? MAN: Yes. CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he? MAN: He's at home. CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy. The next day, the man returns. MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food. CHECKOUT...
Hilarious Animals Non Veg Long Dirty Joke: How's Your Day Been Ducks?
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They...
Hilariously Best Professor V/S Students Joke: Dirty Anatomy Class
Joke Title: Always Pay Attention First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that...
Hilarious Joke: 3 Guys Go To Hell, There They Meet The Devil
Three guys go to hell,... When they get there, they meet the devil, who tells them there's a way to get to heaven. The Devil explains that behind 3 doors are tasks that they must each complete,... In whatever order they want, to go to heaven. Door 1 is a room with 10 virgin ladies, the task is to make them all orgasm...
Women Joke: Nice, Calm & Respectable Lady Went To Pharmacy
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,... Right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to...
Hilarious Creepy Marriage Joke Of The Day: Supportive Wife
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, Yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were...
Hilariously Best Sardar Joke: Game Warden V/S Hunting License
A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Sardars. The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license. The...
Hilariously Best Money Joke Of The Day: New Bank Account
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account." To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this...
Rude Insulting Joke: A Stranger Was Seated Next To Little Johnny On The Plane
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh,...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: The Woman, The Merlot And The Refusal
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table,... He notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her,... knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night. The waiter gets the bottle...
Hilarious Joke: I Wonder Why Elderly Lady Didn't Raise Her Hand
The preacher's Sunday sermon was,... "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80% held up their hands. He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady. "Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Johnson that is very...
Hilariously Best Terrible Joke Of The Day: The Obliging Mortician
Dorothy was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away. She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying. One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it...
Hilarious Dirty Golf Joke Of The Day: Man Takes A Week Off Work
A man takes a week off work and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off and soon finds himself catching up with a stunning woman playing in front of him. He suggests that they play against each other for the rest of the day and she agrees. The woman proves to be very...
Best Hilarious Dark Non Veg Dirty Army Joke: Bonus Payments
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The...