Thursday, January 24, 2019
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Tag: Offensive Jokes

Hilarious New Joke Of The Day: Who is Doctor's Best Patient?
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside...
Hilarious Non Veg Bad Dirty Joke: Three Friends in Jungle & Fruit Of Labour
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came...
Hilarious Animals Non Veg Long Dirty Joke: How's Your Day Been Ducks?
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They...
Best Hilarious Dark Non Veg Dirty Army Joke: Bonus Payments
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The...
Hilarious Dark Joke: Lawyer's Funeral And His Loyal Clients
A man is at his lawyer's funeral,.. and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." * * * * * "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Effiecency Of The Restaurant Staff
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization. Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant,... and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt...
Hilarious Joke: Worst Salesman Of The Year & His Customer Service
Young Johnny was appointed sales person at a local General Dealer's store in Kampala. While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had peach jam to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock." At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement. It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called...
Dirty Hilarious Joke: The Pearly Gates Entrance Exam
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came...
Hilarious Dark Joke Of The Day: A Woman And A Sensitive Man
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf...
Hilarious Bad Joke: Innocent Arab Grandpa In Italian Hospital
An Arab family residing in Europe was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian nursing home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asked the grandson. "It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and...
Hilarious Joke: Rabbi, My Wife Is Trying to Poison Me. What Should I Do?
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What"s wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I"m telling you, I"m certain she"s poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me...
Rude Joke: Bus Driver Insults A Passenger's Baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. With a grimace, the bus driver says, "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman, fuming, walks to the rear of the bus and sits down. Unable to contain her rage any longer, she turns to the man sitting next to her and vents: "That driver just insulted me!" The man, understanding, replies emphatically, "You go...
Bad Arrogant Joke: The Prudish Son and the Sausage Factory
There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "this should impress him!" He showed his son a machine and said: "Son, this is the heart of the...
Hilarious Joke: Preparing For The Funeral
When old Mr. O'Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O'Leary called the undertaker aside for a private little talk. "Please be sure to fasten his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald," she confided, "and he'd never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. Our friends from the old country...
Hilarious Dumb Joke: Two Hunters Are In The Woods When One
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "I'm in the middle of nowhere and I think my friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First,...
At a bar, Archie approaches Zoe, a pretty girl drinking by herself. He tries to make conversation, offers to buy her a drink, when suddenly she yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!" Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, Archie slinks back to his table with a red face. After a few minutes, Zoe walks over to him...
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the...
Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress...
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded, and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated...
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh,...