Wednesday, January 23, 2019
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Tag: Old Age Jokes

Best Hilarious Old Man Marriage Joke Of The Day: The Old Motor
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it...
Hilarious Naughty Old Man Joke Of The Day: Elderly Man's Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times." Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" Man: "What sins? " Priest: "What kind...
Hilarious Dirty Mind Joke: Old Man's Visit To A Fertility Doctor
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,.. "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar,.. which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor...
Hilarious Old Age Comedy Joke: Naughty Senior Dating Humor
Candice and Hazel, two "senior" widows, are talking. Candice: "That nice Johnson asked me out for a date,.. I know you went out with him last week,.. and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Hazel: "Well, I'll tell you,.. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine...
Hilarious Movie Theater Joke: Disheveled Old Man & The Usher
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,.. "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the...
Joke Of The Day: Son & Mothers Talking Parrot Reading Bible Gift
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar...
Clean Old Age Humor Joke: Angry Wife & Her Husband's Hearing New Aid
Working at the post office... I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. ... I'll have you know, my husband...
Hilarious Whiskey Joke: Dying Old Nun And Her Wisdom Words
A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas... She opened it and...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Women Will Be Women
One Day A 54 year old lady had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital. While on the operation, she had a near death experience. On that Time, Seeing God she asked, "Is my Life Completed?" God replied, "No, you have another 34 years to live." Upon Heart Recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a Face-Lift,...
Joke Of The Day: Doctor's Advice Gets Old Woman in Big Trouble
An elderly lady went to the doctor and asked for his help in reviving her husband's passion. "Why don't you give him Vi*gra?" the doctor asked. "Oh, no," the woman replied. "He doesn't even take aspirin for a headache!" "That's not a problem," the doctor told her. "Just crush up the pill and slip it into his coffee. He'll never even know." Several days later,...
Joke Of The Day: 3 Grandpas Discuss Whose Age Is The Worst
Three older gentlemen sat down at the park for a conversation. "There's no worse age than 70," says the youngest, "You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time you try and try and nothing comes out!" "Ah, That's nothing," said the 80 year old, "80 is a much worse age. You can't even do your business anymore. You...
Joke Of The Day: Four Catholic Men And A Catholic Woman
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman (old age friends) were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent...
Naughty Innocence Joke: It's Easy For Words To Be Misconstrued
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me...
Funny Old Man Joke: I Need Doctor's Prescription To Sleep With My Wife
The medics rushed Mr. Sol Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell...
Clean Funny Old Age Joke: Two Elderly People In a Trailer Park
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few...
Hilarious Joke: Grandma Gets Called To Court – What She Reveals On The Witness Stand Shocks Everyone
In a court trial in a small town in Nebraska, the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand. He walked up to her and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?" She answered, "Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley. I've known you since you were a little boy, and honestly, you're a disappointment. You...
Hilarious Joke: Old Lady Spends Her First Night In A Nursing Home
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean...
Hilarious Old Age Humor: Grandma Buys A Bumper Sticker, Never Expecting What It Would Get Her Into
Dear Granddaughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I...
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy...
An Elderly couple... sitting down watching television when the commercials come on, the husband smiles at his wife and says, "I would love some ice cream right now." His wife says, "me too! What do you want, I'll go get it." Husband: "I'd like to have 2 scoops of vanilla with chocolate and caramel syrup whipped cream and a cherry on top. Wait, let me write...
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back...