Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Tag: Old Woman Jokes

Hilarious Best Marriage Humor Of The Day: Mid Life Crises Solved
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde." "Now we have a nice house, nice car,...
Smart Grandma In Hospital Best Joke: How To Keep Yourself Informed
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital, And she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check...
Joke Of The Day: Old Lady Asked Her Best Friend For A Favor
Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been best friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day. One day Betty said,.. "Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know...
Old Age Humor: Dying Man Thought His Wife Baked Him Cookies
An old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath,... He was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen,... There was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on...
Hilariously Best Old Age Comedy Joke: Three Elderly Sisters
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old puts her foot in the bathroom and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up...
Hilarious Joke: I Wonder Why Elderly Lady Didn't Raise Her Hand
The preacher's Sunday sermon was,... "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80% held up their hands. He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady. "Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Johnson that is very...
Best Comedy Joke Of The Day: Grandma v/s Lawyers in Court
Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked: "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?" She responded: "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're...
Hilarious Old Age Humor: Elderly Memory Problem Good Joke
Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and...
Hilarious Old Widows Naughty Joke: Best Senior Dating
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date,... I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna: "Well, I'll tell you,... He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in...
Hilarious Smart Wife Joke Of The Day: Haunted From The Grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and...
Hilarious Grandma Vs Doctor Dirty Joke: Baby's First Clinic Visit
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,... waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight,.. and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed? "Breast-fed," she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded,...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Elderly Women & Speed Limit
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the...
Hilarious Naughty Old Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Smart Back
Joke Title: Back At You One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!" His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unnoticed. The next morning the husband took a pair of...
Hilarious Old Woman Clean Joke Of The Day: The Fourth Marriage
An 80 year old lady was being interviewed by the local news station because she had just gotten married - for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80,.. and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her...
Hilarious Naughty Grandparents Joke: Grandpa With No Pants
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed,.. his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you...
Hilarious Older Couple Joke: Romantic Night After 50 Years
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to...
Really Funny Clean Old Age Joke Of The Day: Shameless Visitor
The Grandmother of a just got married grandson phoned that he was coming to present his beautiful lovely wife to grandma. The delighted Grandma started giving instructions how to come to their high rise colony retirement Apartment. She started blabbering, "When you come to the front door of the apartment building inside vestibule, My son there is a push button, push it with...
Hilarious Elderly Joke Of The Day: Husband Scolds His Wife For Forgetting
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she din't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to...
Hilarious Clean English Joke: Police Officers & Drunk Old Woman
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink,... and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the...
Hilarious Dirty Joke Of The Day: A Farmer & A Naughty Widow
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a...
Hilarious Old Age Comedy Joke: Naughty Senior Dating Humor
Candice and Hazel, two "senior" widows, are talking. Candice: "That nice Johnson asked me out for a date,.. I know you went out with him last week,.. and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Hazel: "Well, I'll tell you,.. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine...
Joke Of The Day: Son & Mothers Talking Parrot Reading Bible Gift
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar...
Hilarious Whiskey Joke: Dying Old Nun And Her Wisdom Words
A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas... She opened it and...
Hilarious Joke Of The Day: Women Will Be Women
One Day A 54 year old lady had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital. While on the operation, she had a near death experience. On that Time, Seeing God she asked, "Is my Life Completed?" God replied, "No, you have another 34 years to live." Upon Heart Recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a Face-Lift,...
Joke Of The Day: Doctor's Advice Gets Old Woman in Big Trouble
An elderly lady went to the doctor and asked for his help in reviving her husband's passion. "Why don't you give him Vi*gra?" the doctor asked. "Oh, no," the woman replied. "He doesn't even take aspirin for a headache!" "That's not a problem," the doctor told her. "Just crush up the pill and slip it into his coffee. He'll never even know." Several days later,...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Farmer Brings His Rooster To The Movie
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes." "I'm sorry, sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his...
Clean Funny Old Age Joke: Two Elderly People In a Trailer Park
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few...