Monday, April 22, 2019
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Hilarious Marriage Joke Of The Day: Best Husband In The World
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H - Husband, W - Wife) H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Good Husband Wife Comedy Joke Of The Day: Hearing Problem
An elderly man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about...
Comedy Joke Of The Day: Best Divorce Letters With Twisty End
Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came...
Hilarious Wise Rabbi In Small Town Joke: A Cow From Alberta
The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were...
Little Johnny Vs Sunday School Teacher Joke: Making Bad Faces
Finding one of her student Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground,.. Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, * * * * * * * * * * "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't...
Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Deaf Book-Keeper, Stolen Money v/s Mafia
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, Since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to...
Top 10 Hilariously Best English Jokes Collection: Good Comedy
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" The man approached a...
Best Women Joke Of The Day: Good Genie v/s Man's Wish
Joke Title: If You Had One Wish A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish." The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: Two People Find Themselves Celebrating
A chicken farmer went to a local bar,... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," the farmer said. "This is a special day for me; I am celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," Said the...
Hilarious Joke: Guy Is Sitting In A Bar Drooling At Young Woman
A guy is sitting in a bar;... Absolutely drooling at a pretty young woman in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks,... As she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally, the girl turns to him and says,... "Look, you seem like a really nice guy,...
Clean Office Joke: A Young Programmer & His Project Manager
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train,... Headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats,.. Right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other,.. Because they are giving...
Clever Joke: Juan Comes Up To The Mexican Border On Bicycle
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,.. "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says,.. "We'll just see about that – get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart,.. He empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight...
Joke Of The Day: While Teaching A Class Of Good Manners
A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman,...
Hilarious Joke: Three Old Brothers Age 92, 94 & 96 Live In A House Together
Three elderly brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs,... "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back,... "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he...
Hilarious Joke: A Lawyer Had Just Bought A Fancy New Car
A lawyer had just bought a fancy new car,... And was eager to show it off to his colleagues, When an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, Because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a...
Clean Marriage Joke: Wife Isn't Happy About Unexpected Guest
With no warning and clear out of the blue,... A husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." As expected, the wife wasn't happy at being imposed upon during what she imagined to be a quiet evening. His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping,... All the...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: Teacher v/s Little Johnny In Maths Class
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun,... How many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "Cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny...
Smart Husband Joke: A Man Stumbles Across An Old Genie Lamp
A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office. Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes,... And whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double. The man asks for his first wish. "The first thing I want is a million dollars." The...
Hilarious Bad Joke: Little Johnny v/s Teacher's Dirty Thinking
A teacher asks her class:, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies:, "The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think." Then Little Johnny says:, "I have a question for YOU Madam. There are...
Hilarious Clean Bar Joke Of The Day: Good Nun vs Vodka
A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking. In self-defense the man says, "Who told you that drinking is bad?" Nun : Mother Superior told me. Man : So, have you ever tried it? Nun : No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor. Man : Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you...
Hilarious Silly Old Man Vs Young Man Clean Joke: Time Please
Young Man: "Sir, may I know the time, please?" Old Man: "Certainly not." Young Man: "Sir, but why? What are you going to lose, if you tell me the time?" Old Man: "Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time." Young Man: "But Sir, can you tell me how?" Old Man: "See, if I tell you the time you will definitely...
Hilarious Madam Vs Maid Bad Naughty Joke: Good Pay Raise
The Maid asked for a pay raise. Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?" Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "The Master said so." Madam: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I...
Young Boy Vs Farmer Neighbour Bad Joke: Is Your Dad Home?
A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door. "Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked. "Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"? "No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad." "How...
Hilarious Best Joke Of The Day: Elderly Women & Speed Limit
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the...
Hilarious Husband Wife Short Dirty Joke: Bad Horse Riding
A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed "Horseback Riding" with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,... and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said:, * * * * * * * * * "Yes, I...
Hilarious Best Comedy Animal Joke: Bear, Rabbit & Magical Frog
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole. The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two...
Hilarious Best Dirty Mind Joke Of The Day: Two Nuns & A Man
There were Two Nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical....