Monday, April 22, 2019
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Short, Hilarious And Good: The Best Funniest One liner Jokes
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" Wife: "I couldn't lift the table." "What did one ghost say to another?" "Do you believe in people?" My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. "Room Service? Can...
Best Light Weight New Funny Jokes In English: Latest Good Humor
Rocket to Moon On the first night of honeymoon the wife crazy husband says, "My sweet darling, I am going to take you to moon tonight." The impatient wife says, "Sure, but first at least let's see the rocket to get there." Period of Patience Dad went to school for getting the report card for his son in the middle of the class and had...
Few Clean & Short Good Humor Jokes: Best English Comedy
Wonderful coffee Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today. Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today. Doctor's promise "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a...
Best Comedy Clean Innocent Joke: Two Good Children In A Clinic
Joke Title: Two Tests Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly. 2nd Child: Why are you crying? 1st Child: I came here for blood test. 2nd Child: So? Are you afraid? 1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger. At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished. 1st Child: Why are you...
Short & Hilarious: Best Doctor Jokes Collection To Laugh Today
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your...
Hilarious Lame Short Joke Of The Day: How To Make 50 People Fool
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people fooled! Fifty people fooled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being fooled." The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, * * * * * * * * * "Read all about it. Fifty-one people...
Comedy Husband Wife Short Joke: Good Compliment
A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out of shape. Pay me a compliment." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Little Johnny v/s Maths Teacher Joke: New Generation Student
Math Teacher: Johnny, Tell me, If you have 12 chocolates and,... You give 5 to Sophia, 3 to Emma and, 4 to Isabella, Then what will you get? Little Johnny says: * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "3 New Girlfriends Mam...!!!"
Hilarious Best Lame Joke Of The Day: Five Friends & Crime Story
Joke Title: JUST A JOKE This is crime story. Five Best friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY. One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police. MAD: Is it police station??? Police: Yes, what is the matter?? MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. Police: Are you mad? MAD: Yes, I'm MAD. Police: Don't you have BRAIN. MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom... Police: you...
Women Humor: The Last Laugh Is Reserved For The Ladies
Here are some words of advice and comfort for all you ladies out there. Get ready to do what you do best: laugh your heart out! Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon - they should be...
Hilariously Clean Marriage Humor Short Joke: Smart Widow
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked: "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, Your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" She answered: * * * * * * * * "I started talking about my next husband."
Hilarious Dirty Joke: Husband, Wife And Laptop Password
A woman helps her husband to set up a new laptop. Once it is completed, She tells him to select a password, Selecting a word that he'll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, He looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, He types "mypen*s". As he hits "enter" to validate the selection, His wife collapses...
Small Joke For Kids: New Teacher, Little Johnny And Psychology Course
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds,... Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said,... "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" Little Johnny said:,... * * * * * * * * * * "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Clean & Short Family Jokes Collection: Quick Laugh For 5 Minutes
Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past. Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history. Teacher: Why? Student: There is no future in it. Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted: $10. Teacher: You don't know maths. Ted: You...
Best & Hilarious: Clean Light Short English Jokes Collection
Lady : Is this my train? Station Master : No, it belongs to the Government. Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Manchester. Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the...
Hilarious Clean Animal Joke Of The Day: Talking Parrot For Sale
A man went to an auction and bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher. Finally, he won the bid. As he was paying, he said to the Auctioneer, "I surely hope such a costly parrot can talk. "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, * * * * * * * * * * "He can talk. Who do you think...
Clean Good Husband Wife Joke: 22 Years Of Fantastic Marriage
John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! * * * * * * * * She only does it...
Hilarious Husband Wife Short Dirty Joke: Bad Horse Riding
A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed "Horseback Riding" with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,... and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said:, * * * * * * * * * "Yes, I...
Hilarious Short Marriage Humor Joke Of The Day: Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain ?" said the counselor, * * * * * * * * "You re still...
Hilarious Short Naughty Joke: 80 Year Old Man In Confession
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. and Both of them with. Twice." The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were...
Hilarious Good Family Joke Of The Day: High Telephone Bill
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mom: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use...
Hilarious Short Clean Joke Of The Day: Blonde Walking Her Dogs
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says "oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?" The blonde replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex." The man responds "Huh.. that's interesting.. why did you name them such names?" The blonde sighs and shakes her head. "Everyone keeps asking me the...
Best & Good Short English Humor Jokes: Hilarious One Liners
• Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. • I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books. • The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car. • Sometimes when I...
Short Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Monk & Young Woman in Bus
Joke Title: Sitting For Two In a crowded bus an older Monk, asked a standing pretty young woman to sit on his lap, which woman did to avoid getting bumped to other opportunists standing around. In a short while she jumps and stands up. Anxious to help damsel in distress other passengers started watching curiously for what happened? Embarrassed Monk pleaded, "My child, please...
Hilarious Husband Wife Naughty Conversation Joke: Seasonal Excitement
A statue of a Macho athlete was displayed in a Museum. Husband and Wife came walking there appreciating and arguing everything they saw so far. Husband would not let wife win the battles of wits. So wife relaxed watching this nude statue with just a couple of leaves to cover its privates, hoping husband goes to other displays. The husband says, "Marvelous, but...
Hilarious Dirty Mind Humor Joke Of The Day: Send Men Immediately
A Lady Rector of a Ladies hostel was fond of using English language though she was not good in English. She was also fond of using very small sentences to communicate. Always in hurry she used to create lots if funny situations. Once the electricity of her ladies hostel went off at midnight that too during the examination season. She immediately contacted electricity...
Hilarious Husband Wife: Mix Short Humorous Jokes On Marriage
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep." A man walks into his bedroom and...