Sunday, April 21, 2019
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Short, Hilarious And Good: The Best Funniest One liner Jokes
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" Wife: "I couldn't lift the table." "What did one ghost say to another?" "Do you believe in people?" My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. "Room Service? Can...
Hilarious School Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny v/s Science Class
In a school science class four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day, these were the results: 1) The first worm...
Best Hilarious Comedy Joke: Two Lawyers v/s Pregnant Secretary
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the...
Hilarious Comedy Elderly Joke Of The Day: 3 Old Age Guys
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing' comes...
Hilariously Comedy Humor: Reason Why Never Visit A 5 Star Hotel
Question : "What would you like to have .. Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?" Answer: "Tea please." Question : "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?" Answer : "Ceylon tea." Question : "How would you like it? black or white?" Answer : "White." Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?" Answer : "With milk." Question : "Goat...
Job Interview Clean Good Office Humor Joke: Are You Kidding?
Reaching the end of a job interview,... The Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $225,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement...
Top 10 Hilariously Best English Jokes Collection: Good Comedy
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" The man approached a...
Hilarious Clean Animals Joke Of The Day: Lion King Of The Jungle
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in...
Hilarious Husband Wife's Best Comedy Joke: Surprise Birthday Gift
The wife was very unhappy with her old car and complained a lot to her husband: Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband... "Buy me a surprise for my birthday!" she said. "Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!" Happy and excited she was counting down the days...
Hilarious Dad Joke: One Day A 12-Year-Old Boy Was Walking
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street,... When a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window. "I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,"... Said the driver. "No way! Get lost!" Replied the boy. "How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" The driver asked. "I said no way," Replied the boy again. "What about...
Hilarious Dirty Joke: Two People Find Themselves Celebrating
A chicken farmer went to a local bar,... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," the farmer said. "This is a special day for me; I am celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," Said the...
Women Humor: The Last Laugh Is Reserved For The Ladies
Here are some words of advice and comfort for all you ladies out there. Get ready to do what you do best: laugh your heart out! Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon - they should be...
Hilarious Creepy Marriage Joke Of The Day: Supportive Wife
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, Yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were...
Hilariously Best Money Joke Of The Day: New Bank Account
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account." To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this...
Hilarious Naughty Joke: Old Office Looks Just the Same... Oh Wait
A middle-aged male college professor receives a knock on the door of his office on campus. After fumbling about for a few moments, he opens the door to find an old man, Who greets him with a big smile and says: "May I come in? I worked in this very room thirty years ago when I was a professor at this college." "Sure!"...
Hilarious Joke: A Church Matron Cooking Some Beans
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny,... Came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over,... Little Johnny could think of no reason...
Hilarious Clean Courtroom Joke Of The Day: Innocent Accused?
A man accused of theft was appearing before the Judge. "Your Honor," his lawyer said, "I feel it is very unfair for my client to be accused of robbery. He is an illegal immigrant, has just arrived in America and is guest in our city. Unable to find his way he roams all around curiously. He came to this country with knowledge of only...
Hilarious Clean Family Joke: Mom, Dad & Little Girl's Question
Joke Title: Origin A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear? The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made." Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed." The confused girl returns to her mother and...
Clean Marriage Joke Of The Day: Wife, Beggar & Perfect Husband
Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do...
Hilarious Best Dirty Joke: Blind Man Walks Into A Restaurant
Joke Title: Smell Recognition A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little...
Clean Marriage Joke Of The Day: Couple At Bank Robbery
Joke Title: No Witness Left A tough bank robber barged into a bank and yelled loudly with a raised gun, "This is a bank robbery, everybody surrender". He quickly rounded up all the customers along with wet-pant bank guard together, then rushed to the teller and asked her to fill up his bag with money, which she did. He then turned to a...
Hilarious Bad Joke Of The Day: Charlie Vs Priest At Church
Joke Title: Trading Place Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again...
Hilarious Dirty Mind Joke: Boyfriend Asks Girlfriend To Play Weeweechu
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee was sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said,.. "Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu". "Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon." said Jung Lee. "Oh c'mon baby, lets you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's a perfect...
Hilarious Joke: So You Think You've Had A BAD DAY?
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was...
Hilarious Joke: Teacher And Principal Asks Jimmy Questions To See If He Can Skip Grades
A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of her student Johnny. One day, she asked Johnny what his problem was. He replied, "I'm too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the fourth grade, and I'm smarter than her too." The teacher took him to the principal's office and explained the situation to the principal. The principal told her...
Archie was told that a twin-engine plane would be waiting at the airport. Arriving at the airport he spotted a plane warming up outside the hanger. He jumped in, said "Let's go." The pilot taxied and took off. Once in the air, Archie told the pilot: "Fly low over the valley so I can take pictures of the fire on the hill." "Why?" the...
Stupid Joke: Blonde Walks Into A Doctors Office
Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what's the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" . . . . . . . . . . . The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."