Sunday, March 17, 2019
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Hilarious Marriage Joke Of The Day: Best Husband In The World
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H - Husband, W - Wife) H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...
Comedy Husband Wife Short Joke: Good Compliment
A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out of shape. Pay me a compliment." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Hilariously Dark Death Joke Of The Day: Ghost Comedy Chat
Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died. 1st ghost : How u died? 2nd ghost : I died of cold. 1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold? 2nd ghost : Actually, I was accidentally locked in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark...
Good Clean Joke Of The Day: Depressed Man v/s Doctor's Therapy
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem....
Hilarious Good Simple Marriage Joke Of The Day: Jealous Husband
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the...
Hilarious Best Marriage Humor Of The Day: Mid Life Crises Solved
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde." "Now we have a nice house, nice car,...
Best Dirty Joke Of The Day: Bad Woman & Her Daytime Affair
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window, It's...
Comedy Joke Of The Day: Best Divorce Letters With Twisty End
Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came...
Short Best Relationship Jokes: Hilariously Good Marriage Humor
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her...
Hilarious Smart Wife Joke Of The Day: Haunted From The Grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and...
Clean & Hilarious Simple Marriage Joke: Cyclone & Husband Wife
A cyclone hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not...
Best Husband Wife Humor Of The Day: Before & After Marriage
Marriage... in different directions... Before the marriage: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: NO! Why you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Yes! She: Will you hit me? He: No way! I'm not such kind...
Hilarious Bad Comedy Joke Of The Day: Women & Hardware Store
Bob was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge,.. so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Carl was finished, Mary asked: "How much for the teapot?" Carl replied:...
Hilarious Corny Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Weight Watchers
Mrs. Speidell, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure." she lamented to the woman next to her. "Well," the lady replied, "What's wrong with that?" * * * * * * * * "He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."
Simple Husband Wife Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time
A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,.. so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her...
Hilarious Wise Rabbi In Small Town Joke: A Cow From Alberta
The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were...
Hilarious Shitty Bad Joke Of The Day: Bar Time With Best Friends
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house. George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!" So after begging his old lady...
Clean Good Husband Wife Joke: 22 Years Of Fantastic Marriage
John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! * * * * * * * * She only does it...
Hilarious Husband Wife Short Dirty Joke: Bad Horse Riding
A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed "Horseback Riding" with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,... and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said:, * * * * * * * * * "Yes, I...
Hilarious Clean Marriage Humor Joke: Why Men Wear Ear Rings?
I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer. A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you...
Clean Simple Husband Wife Joke On Marriage: Influence Of Anesthesia
In a recovery room a man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery. His wife was sitting by his side holding his hand. His eyelids just opened for a few seconds. He looked at his wife as if he was returning from out of body experience, hallowed by bright white light. With a broken smile and in a groggy voice he mumbled...
Hilarious Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Little Johnny Called Daddy
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son Little Johnny to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Little Johnny had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that...
Hilarious Short Marriage Humor Joke Of The Day: Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain ?" said the counselor, * * * * * * * * "You re still...
Hilarious Neighbor Joke Of The Day: American NRI Patelbhai
It was 3.00 AM in the morning and wife Rachel was not able to sleep as her husband was pacing the bedroom floor with self-talking, gesturing with anxiety of some short. So Rachel asked the husband Jackie:, "What was so bothering him that he would keep her from sex and also let her not sleep." "You know our next door kindly neighbor,...
Hilarious Naughty Old Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Smart Back
Joke Title: Back At You One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!" His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unnoticed. The next morning the husband took a pair of...
Hilarious Husband Wife Bad Joke Of The Day: Fishing Surprise
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly,... made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck,... and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on...
Best Clean Husband Wife Joke Of All Time: Success Of Marriage
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband...